Total Quotes: 1754
Latest quotes added to the listing:
"The advantage of having a bad memory is that you can enjoy the same good things for the first time several times."
"Pas de deux: father of twins.
Coup de grace: lawnmower."
"Better to get up late and be wide awake than to get up early and be asleep all day."
"Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning."
"Success is getting what you want, and happiness is wanting what you get."
"Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory."
"Be civil to all; sociable to many; familiar with few."
"If I have ever made any valuable discoveries, it has been owing more to patient attention than to any other talent."
"Most of my friends seem to be either dead, extremely deaf or living on the wrong side of Kent."
"You'll never be what you ought to be until you're doing what you ought to be doing."
"Some people dream of doing great things; others wake up and actually do them."
"Every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug or just a friendly pat on the back."
"I've learned that I still have a lot to learn."
"Nothing you have ever done has shocked God for He knew what He was getting when He
"If we pray, we will believe; if we believe we will love; if we love, we will serve."
"I've realised that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one."
"Life is mostly froth and bubble; two things stand like stone:
Kindness in another's trouble, courage in our own.
"Young men think old men are fools; but old men know young men are fools."
"We learn wisdom from failure much more than from success. We often discover what will do by finding out what will not do."
"Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall not be disappointed."
"The more one comes to know men, the more one admires the dog."
"To be seventy years young is sometimes far more cheerful and hopeful than to be forty years old."
"The world at its worst needs the church at its best."
"Some people succeed because they are destined to, but most people succeed because they are determined to."
"The way to get to the top is to get off your bottom."
"If you take Christ out of Christmas, all you're left with is M & S."
"Behind every successful man stands a proud wife and surprised mother in law."
"Marriage is three parts love and seven parts forgiveness of sins."
"Middle age is when you've met so many people, that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else."
"Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. One is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other, to let her have it."
"Your friend is the man who knows all about you and still likes you."
"Middle age is when your age starts to show around the middle."
"One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife."
"The only place where success comes before work is in a dictionary."
"Often the difference between a successful marriage and a mediocre one consists of leaving about three or four things a day unsaid."
"The years between fifty and seventy are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down."
"God will not look you over for medals, degrees or diplomas, but for scars."
"An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest."
"Friendship is the only cement that will ever hold the world together."
"What do we live for, if it is not to make life less difficult to each other?"
"It takes less time to do a thing right than it does to explain why you did it wrong."
"If you keep your mouth shut you will never put your foot in it."
"Committees are a group of the unfit appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary."
"Space isn't remote at all. It's only an hour's drive away if your car could go straignt upwards."
"Men have a much better time of it than women; for on thing they marry later; for another thing they die earlier."
"Big shots are only little shots who keep shooting."
"Only those who never step never stumble."
"With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts."
"Faith is taking the first step even when you can't see the whole staircase."
"I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence but it comes from within."
"It is not the mountain we conquer, but ourselves."
"The tide turns at low water as well as at high."
"You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."
"The past cannot be changed; the future is yet in your power."
"Believe you can and you're half way there."
"Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many."
"If you have a hammer, everything begins to look like a nail."
"It's the little details that are vital. Little things make big things happen."
"Take care of the minutes, for the hours will take care of themselves."
"All who joy would win must share it - happiness was born a twin.
"To err is human but it feels divine."
"The Christian does not think God will love us because we are good, but that God will make us good because He loves us."
"What is the point of being alive if you don't at least try to do something remarkable?"
"Isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?"
"It's actions, not words, that matter."
"Nothing is impossible, the word itself says "I'm possible".
"We must remember that the test of our religious principles lies not just in what we say, not only in our prayers, not even in living blameless lives - but in what we do for others."
"Without the dark, we'd never see the stars."
"When we die and it comes time for God to judge us, he will not ask "How many good things have you done in your life?" rather he will ask "How much love did you put into what you did?""
"We do not understand much of anything . . we have a wilderness of mystery to make our way through in the centuries ahead."
"Some men see things as they are and say, 'Why?'
I dream of things that never were and say, 'Why not?'"
"Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world."
"When you educate a man you educate an individual; when you educate a woman, you educate a family."
"If you can't make a mistake, you can't make anything."
"To love what you do and feel that it matters - what could be more fun?"
"The only place where success comes before work is in a dictionary."
"Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty."
"To be content, look backward on those who possess less than yourself not forward to those who possess more."
"You have to accept whatever comes along, and the only important thing is that you meet it with the best you have to give."
"The Seven Last Words of the Church: "We never did it that way before.""
"There's no such thing as bad weather. Only wrong clothes."
"We are all in favour of change as long as it doesn't make any difference."
"The world would be a much better place if everyone smiled more. So smile, be cheerful, and be joyous that God loves you."
"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say, "I used everything you gave me.""
"Don't let the best you have done so far be the standard for the rest of your life."
"Millions saw the apple fall, but Newton asked why."
"He can who thinks he can. And he can't who thinks he can't. This is an indisputable law.
"We take the risk of turning to you, Father, because we know that not doing so is a much greater risk."
"In England we have come to rely on a comfortable time-lag of fifty years or a century intervening between the perception that something out to be done and serious attempt to do it."
"When a friend is in trouble, don't annoy him by asking if there is anything you can do. Think up something appropriate and do it."
"Most people have never learned that one of the main aims in life is to enjoy it."
"Talent is God given. Be humble. Fame is man-given. Be grateful. Conceit is self-given. Be careful."
"If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail."
"A good head and a good heart are always a formidable combination."
"A baby is God's opinion that life should go on."
"If you live long enough, you'll make mistakes. But if you learn from them, you'll be a better person."
"It wouldn't do some of us any harm to set out clearly what we can do for God in return for what he has done for us."
"Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated."
"Say and do something positive that will help the situation; it doesn't take any brains to complain."
"The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails."
"Thinking about repentance is often much tougher than actually doing it.
Won't it be good to feel clean again?"
"A day of worry is more exhausting than a week of work."
"Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future."
"Use what talents you possess; the woods would be silent if no birds sang there except those that sang the best."
"I like the dreams of the future better than the history of the past."
"Courage is contagious. When a brave man takes a stand, the spines of others are oten stiffened."
"Our dilemma is that we hate change and love it at the same time; what we really want is for things to remain the same but get better."
"Even if your on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there."
"The mediocre teacher tells. The good teacher explains. The superior teacher demonstrates. The great teacher inspires."
"If we did all the things we are capable of doing, we would truly astound ourselves."
"For more than five years I maintained myself thus solely by the labour of my hands, and I found that by working about six weeks in a year, I could meet all the expenses of my living."
"I have lived some thirty years on this planet, and I have yet to hear the first syllable of valuable or even earnest advice from my seniors."
"If a man does not keep pace with his comanions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer."
"When you educate a man, you educate an individual; when you educate a woman, you educate a family."
"I haven't failed. I've found ten thousand ways that don't work."
"Your beliefs become your thoughts; your thoughts become your words; your words become your actions; your actions become your habits; your habits become your values; your values become your destiny."
"A diamond is just a piece of charcoal that handled stress exceptionally well."
"Nothing new can come into your life unless you are grateful for what you already have."
"Peace: it does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart."
"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
"It's really nice to wake up in the morning realising God has given you another day to live."
"True affluence is not needing anything."
"God loves us exactly as we are, and far too much to leave us as we are."
"We, the uninformed, working for the inaccessible, are doing the impossible for the ungrateful."
"Never worry as long as you can pray. When you can't pray, you'd better start to worry, for then you have something to worry about!"
"Happiness makes up in height for what it lacks in length."
"Treasure the love you receive above all. It will survivelong after your gold and good health have vanished."
"Faith is the staff that will support you over the rockiest terrain."
"We must forgive the Past before we can be free to embrace the Future."
"Diplomacy is when you make your in-laws feel at home, when you wish they were."
"When the One Great Scorer comes to write against your name,
He marks, not that you won or lost, but how you played the game.
"When the One Great Scorer comes to write against your name,
He marks, not that you won or lost, but how you played the game.
"Don't be afraid to take big steps. You can't cross a chasm in two small jumps."
"An atheist is a man with no invisible means of support."
"If you wait until you can do everything for everybody, instead of something for somebody, you'll end up not doing anything for anybody."
"Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of joy you must have somebody to divide it with."
"Newspapers are still credible, provided you read between the lines."
"We should not let our fears hold us back from pursuing our hopes."
"Education is what you get from reading the fine print. Experience is what you get from not reading it."
"It's a funny thing about life. If you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it."
"We have no more right to consume happiness without producing it than to consume wealth without producing it."
"A neighbour is a person who listens to you attentively, through a wall."
"Your strength lies in your Hope. Your salvation lies in your Faith."
"We dwell in shadow or in sunlight . . . according to our belief."
"It is good to have an end to journey toward, but it is the journey that matters in the end."
"It's difficult to say what is impossible, for the dream of yesterday is the hope of today and the reality of tomorrow."
"Our deepest fear is of coming and going and nobody knowing."
"Life is in the living. Love is in the giving."
"The best way to help yourself is to help someone else."
"The true neighbour will risk his position, his prestige and even his life for the welfare of others."
"We will have to repent in this generation not merely for the hateful words and actions of the bad people, but for the appalling silence of the good people."
"What we think, or what we know, or what we believe is, in the end, of little consequence. The only consequence is what we do."
"All worthwhile men have good thoughts, good ideas and good intentions, but precious few of them ever translate those into action."
"Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can."
"Action may not bring happiness, but there is no happiness without action."
"Happiness is a very small desk and a very large waste basket."
"Small deeds done are better than great deeds planned."
"Go for it now. The future is promised to no one."
"I've always found that the poorer the places that I go, the more smiles I see, and the more happiness I see."
"Don't watch the clock; do what it does. Keep going."
"Aim for the moon. If you miss, you may hit a star."
"Work like it all depends on you and pray like it all depends on God."
"One of the keys to happiness is a real bad memory."
"The talent of success is nothing more than doing what you can do well and doing well whatever you do."
"Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be."
"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable."
"Don't carry a grudge. While you're carrying the grudge, the other guy's out dancing."
"Things turn of best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out."
"Fear defeats more people than any other one thing in the world.
"Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense."
"A great many people think they are thinking, when they are merely rearranging their prejudices."
"You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when. You can only decide how you're going to live. Now."
"Rogues are preferable to fools as rogues occasionally take the day off."
"Success is never certain. Failure is never final."
"We find comfort among those who agree with us - growth among those who don't."
"We must all learn to live together as brothers or we will all perish together as fools."
"None are so empty as those who are full of themselves."
"The best thing about the future is that it comes only one day at a time."
"Space isn't remote at all. It's only an hour's drive away if your car could go straight upwards."
"Just about the time you think you can make both ends meet, somebody moves the ends."
"History is littered with wars which everybody knew would never happen."
"I'm very fond of pigs; but I don't find it difficult to eat them."
"Noble deeds and hot baths are the best cures for depression."
"A speaker who does not strike oil in ten minutes should stop boring."
"Work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion."
"I hate women because they always know where things are."
"God shows his contempt for wealth by the kind of person he selects to receive it."
"Show me someone who thinks that money buys happiness and I'll show you someone who has never had a lot of money."
"When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen."
"Argument is the worst sort of conversation."
"There are two ways to get enough. One is to accumulate more and more. The other is to desire less and less."
"Eternity is not something that begins after you are dead. It is going on all the time. We are in it now."
"Your faith is what you believe, not what you know."
"If you're not making mistakes, then you're not doing anything. I'm positive that a doer makes mistakes."
"If it were not for death there would be no urgency about religion."
"There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball,
And that is to have a clear conscience or none at all."
"Man is Creation's masterpiece: but who says so? Man."
"To the lexicographer 'God' is simply the word that comes next to 'go-cart'."
"The wise man does not lay up treasure. The more he gives to others, the more he has for his own."
"God never imposes a duty without giving time to do it."
"O Lord, if there is a Lord, save my soul, if I have a soul.
"Some of us learn from other people's mistakes; the rest of us have to be the other people."
"Behind every successful man is a surprised woman."
"There is little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference. That little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative."
"At the end of the day, the most overwhelming key to a child's success is the positive involvement of parenets."
"It is not how much we have, but how much we enjoy, that makes happiness."
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go."
"A man may well be condemned, not for doing something, but for doing nothing."
"A strong positive mental attitude will create more miracles than any wonder drug."
"When women are depressed, they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking."
"Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger."
"Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face."
"My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely."
"Lord, let me not live to be useless."
"Success is getting what you want; happiness is wanting what you get."
"Happiness consists in activity - it is a running stream, not a stagnant pool."
"While all other sciences have advanced, that of government is at a standstill - little better understood, little better practiced now than three or four thousand years ago."
"Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names."
"The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work."
"God has given us two hands - one to receive with and the other to give with.
We are not cisterns made for hoarding; we are channels made for sharing."
"Status quo: Latin for "the mess we're in.""
"Happiness doesn't come from doing what we like to do but from liking what we have to do."
"I shall pass through this world but once; any good things, therefore, that I can do, or any kindness that I can show to any human being, or dumb animal. let me do it now. Let me not deter it or neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again."
"God's plan made a hopeful beginning, but man spoiled his chances by sinning,
We trust that the story will end in God's glory,
But at present, the other side's winning."
"It's pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed."
"I sought to hear the voice of God and climbed the topmost steeple,
But God declared "Go down again - I dwell among the people"."
"They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad to realise that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days. "
"Women's rights became a movement because of man's wrongs."
"We gave grasped the mystery of the atom and rejected the Sermon on the Mount."
"God, give us grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, courage to change the things which should be changed, and the wisdom to distinguish one from the other."
"Did you ever think how much labour went into inventing a labour-saving device?"
"Trust in God - and do something."
"Creative thinking may simply mean the realization that there is no particular virtue in doing things the way they have always been done."
"Believe you are defeated, believe it long enough, and it is likely to become a fact."
"When angry, count to ten before you speak; if very angry, a hundred."
"Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first."
"Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad reputation."
"What we learn after we know it all, is what counts."
"How did a fool and his money get together in the first place?"
"Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?"
"O Lord, please fill my mouth with worthwhile stuff, and nudge me when I've said enough."
"Confidence is contagious. So is lack of confidence."
"It has been said that the only thing we learn from history is that we do not learn."
"We have two ears and only one tongue in order that we may hear more and speak less."
"You can learn good manners from the bad manners of others,"
"The graveyards are full of indispensable men."
"We ought to hear at least one little song every day, read a good poem, see a first-rate painting, and if possible speak a few sensible words."
"A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours."
"The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket."
"Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do."
"Some people who are not paid what they are worth ought to be glad."
"It's great to work with somebody who wants to do things differently."
"It takes twenty years to make an overnight successs."
"The haves and the have-nots can often be traced back to the did and did-nots."
"The pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity, the optimist, the opportunity in every difficulty."
"When we do the best that we can, we never know what miracle is wrought in our life, or in the life of another."
"Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else."
"Brand new ideas are rare; good new ideas are even rarer."
"First ask yourself: What is the worst that can happen? Then prepare to accept it. Then proceed to improve on the worst."
"Time is really the only capital that any human being has, and the only thing he can't afford to lose."
"Besides the noble art of getting things done, there is the noble art of leaving things undone. The wisdom of life consists in the elimination of nonessentials."
"No matter how dark things seem to be or actually are, raise your sights and see possibilities - always see them, for they're always there."
"Most people like hard work. Particularly when they are paying for it."
"There's plenty room at the top, but there's no room to sit down."
"A man who wants to lead the orchestra must turn his back on the crowd."
"Lord, I confess I am not what I ought to be: but I thank you, Lord, that I'm not what I used to be."
"Getting something done is an accomplishment; getting something done right is an achievement."
"Far and away the best prize tht life offers is the chance to work hard at work worth doing."
"Ladder of Achievement: 100% - I did. 90% will. 80% I can. 70% I think I can.
60% I might. 50% I think I might. 40% What is it? 30% I wish I could. 20% I don't know how. 10% I can't. 0% I won't."
"We do not stop playing because we are old. We grow old because we stop playing."
"The only thing that keeps a man going is energy. And what is energy but liking life?
"God gave us a world unfinished, so that we might share in the joys and satisfaction of creation."
"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work."
"Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging on after others have let go.
"I find the great thing in this world is not so much where we stand as in what direction we are moving."
"Wealth is not his that has it, but his that enjoys it."
"Funny how a dollar can look so big when you take it to church, and so small when you take it to the store."
"Success is that old ABC - ability, breaks and courage."
"There's plenty of room at the top, but there's no room to sit down."
"Excellence is to do a common thing in an uncommon way."
"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is to try to please everyone."
"Everyone is trying to accomplish something big, not realising that life is made up of little things."
"What is a committee? A group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the unnecessary."
"The world is full of willing people; some willing to work, the rest willing to let them."
"We have to learn to be our own best friends, because we fall too easily into the trap of being our worst enemies."
"It is neither wealth nor splendour, but tranquility and occupation, which give happiness."
"The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win you're still a rat."
"How did a fool and his money get together in the first place?"
"There are people who have money and people who are rich."
"To fill the hour - that is happiness..."
"Honest differences are often a healthy sign of progress."
"It is the province of knowledge to speak and it is the privilege of wisdom to listen."
"Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes."
"Far and away the best prize that life offers is the chance to work hard at work worth doing."
"Experience is not what happens to you; it is what you do with what happens to you."
"Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more."
"Most of the trouble in the world is caused by people wanting to be important."
"The poorest man would not part with health for money, but the richest would gladly part with all their money for health."
"To lengthen thy life, lessen thy meals."
"If something is wrong, fix it if you can. But train yourself not to worry. Worry never fixes anything."
"...In about the same degree as you are helpful, you will be happy."
"Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers."
"Give a little love to a child and you will get a great deal back."
"My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me."
"It's a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water."
"Man does not live by words alone, despite the fact that sometimes he has to eat them."
"Anyone who thinks the art of conversation is dead ought to tell a child to go to bed."
"The trouble with life in the fast lane is that you get to the other end in an awful hurry."
"God asks no man whether he will accept life. That is not the choice. You must take it. The only choice is how."
"The successful man will profit from his mistakes and try again in a different way."
"We should take from the past its fires and not its ashes."
"The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining."
"If at first you don't succeed, you're running about average."
"Those who are at war with others are not at peace with themselves."
"Peace of mind is attained not by ignoring problems, but by solving them."
"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, it empties today of its strength."
"We make a living by what we get; we make a life by what we give."
"The poor long for riches, the rich long for heaven, but the wise long for a state of tranquillity."
"I dislike the intolerance and moralism of many Christians, and feel more sympathy with Honest Doubters than with them."
"The Good News is that God loved me long before I could have done anything to deserve it."
"I am convinced that Christians must listen carefully to members of other faiths."
"I had the feeling of being crushed under a rock till I could see only one crack of light, and that was the love of God.
"Most starvation in the modern world is caused by corrupt or inefficient government, by unfair trading or by war."
"Science has never superseded religion, and it is my expectation that it never will supersede it."
"God always gives the best to those who leave the choice with him
"Maybe all one can do is hope to end up with the right regrets."
"Failure is God's way of saying you're moving in the wrong direction."
"There are souls in this world which have the gift of finding joy everywhere and of leaving it behind them when they go."
"Wisdom is knowing what to do next, virtue is doing it."
"A little science is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal."
"Sincerity: once you can fake that you've got it made."
"We can't help everyone, but everyone can help someone."
"It is by acts and not by ideas that people live."
"The only place fear has to work is in the empty space where your faith should be."
"Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces I would still plant my apple tree."
"Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen."
"Contentment makes poor men rich, and discontent makes rich men poor."
"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something."
"Science does not and cannot disprove religion. Nor does it prove religion to be true."
"I am extremely patient, provided I get my own way in the end."
"Adam said it was Eve's fault; Eve blamed the serpent, and the serpent hadn't a leg to stand on."
"The follower of Christ does not mean "I am a specially good person" when he claims to be a Christian."
"Everyone can be discontented if he ignores his blessings and looks only at his burdens."
"Politics is developing more comedians than radio ever did."
"Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm."
"Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad reputation."
"It is no longer acceptable in British politics to be fat or eccentric or religious."
"Healthy citizens are the greatest asset any country can have."
"Science and religion look at the universe from different viewpoints, and ask different sets of important questions."
"I think the hand of God can be seen everywhere."
"Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it."
"The approach of death certainly concentrates the mind."
"Choose your friends with caution; plan your future with purpose and frame your life with faith."
"If a person gets his attitude towards money straight it will help straighten out almost every other area in his life."
"If I were to say "God, why me?" about the bad things, then I should say "God why me?" about the good things that happen in my life."
"Gratitude helps you to grow and expand; gratitude brings joy and laughter into your life and into the lives of all those around you."
"The greatest mistake you can make in life is continually fearing that you'll make one."
"The beginning of anxiety is the end of faith, and the beginning of true faith is the end of anxiety."
"Yard by yard life is hard; inch by inch life's a cinch!"
"There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?"
"The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything."
"The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy."
"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall."
"Oh well! No matter what happens there is always death."
"It's never too late to become what you might have been."
"When you stop doing things for fun you might as well be dead."
"No one has ever become poor by giving."
"To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved."
"What you do today can improve all your tomorrows."
"We cannot do everything at once but we can do something at once."
"Life becomes harder for us when we live for others, but it also becomes richer and happier."
"With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts."
"Life is a grindstone. Whether it grinds you down or polishes you up depends on you."
"One day our life will flash before our eyes. Make sure it's worth watching."
"One must be fond of people and trust them if one is not to make a mess of life."
"However self-sufficient a man may imagine himself to be, in his more serious moments he secretly longs for spiritual reinforcement."
"We are here to add what we can to life, not to get what we can from life."
"Perseverance isn't a long race; it is many short races one after the other."
"Life always offers you another chance. It's called tomorrow."
"You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don't trust enough."
"Contentment often lodges more in cottages than palaces."
"Say what you like about the Ten Commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant truth that there are only ten of them."
"The Church of England is the perfect church for people who don't go to church."
"Some ministers would make good martyrs. They are so dry, they would burn well."
"Every act of kindness and compassion done by any man for his fellow Christian is done by Christ working within him."
"Priests are no more necessary to religion than politicians are to patriotism."
"What really interests me is whether God had any choice in the creation of the world."
"I have always considered a clergyman as the father of a larger family than he is able to maintain."
"What an amazing capacity for disappointment the Church has."
"The universe seems to have been designed by a pure mathematician."
"God's mill grinds slow, but sure."
"The all-male religions have produced no religious imagery. The great religious art of the world is deeply involved with the female principle."
"It is with God Himself as it is with a great mountain. The important thing is to come to Him not with fear, but with love."
"When God shuts a door, He opens a window."
"The only thing that stops God sending a second Flood is that the first one was useless."
"Man can descend to abysmal depths of cruelty, sadism and sinister conduct but like the prodigal in the far country he is not inevitably lost."
"Spiritual Hunger does not mean that a man will necessarily find God, but it does strongly suggest that God exists."
"A man should never be ashamed to own he has been in the wrong, which is but saying, in other words, that he is wiser today than he was yesterday."
"There is so much for us all to forgive that we shall never get it done without putting in a lot of practice."
"A man there was, though some did count him mad,
The more he cast away, the more he had."
"God is more truly imagined than expressed, and he exists more truly than he is imagined."
"We are all living a life of quiet desperation."
"If you find God, you find life: if you miss God you miss the whole point of living."
"Goodness does not more certainly make men happy than happiness makes them good."
"When God made man she was only testing."
"To most of us the future seems unsure; but then it always has been; and we who have seen great changes must have great hopes."
"A God who let us prove his existence would be an idol."
"Christians are the only people in the world who have anything to be happy about."
"The main facts in human life are five: birth, food, sleep, love and death."
"Just when you think it can't get any worse, it can. And just when you think it can't get any better, it can."
"Many small people in many small places, doing many small things, that can alter the face of the world."
"My father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic."
"The greatest weariness comes from work not done."
"Christianity is the religion, not of a book but of a Person."
"The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing."
"How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world."
"You never know what is enough unless you know what is more than enough."
"The saddest aspect of life right now is that science gathers knowledge faster than society gathers wisdom."
"When a country changes its government, it only pushes one set of sinners out and puts another set of sinners in."
"There are those who assure us that they can be religious without believing in God, and Christians without accepting one single doctrine of the Christian faith."
"I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."
"If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you're old."
"People are valued more for what they endure than for what they achieve."
"Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow where they lead."
"Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power. We have guided missiles and misguided men."
"The Church is confronted with the task of proclaiming the gospel to a generation which has an insatiable appetite for believing the wrong things."
"Without continual growth and progress, such words as improvement, achievement and success have no meaning."
"He who possesses art and science has religion; he who does not possess them, needs religion."
"The existence of the Bible is the greatest blessing which humanity ever experienced."
"Christianity won't fit into a list of hobbies or interests. It is far too big for that."
"We have been dosing our people with religion, when what they want is not this but the living God."
"A man doesn't know what he knows until he knows what he doesn't know."
"Life's most persistent and urgent question is What are you doing for others?"
"The difference between what we do and what we are capable of doing would suffice to solve most of the world's problems."
"Thinking is easy, acting is difficult, and to put one's thoughts into action is the most difficult thing in the world."
"Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome. "
"If you don't know where you are going, any road will get you there."
"What do I thinkof Western civilisation? I think it would be a good idea."
"If anyone could show me that Christianity is not true, then I would have nothing more to do with it."
"Death is a challenge. It tells us not to waste time... It tells us to tell each other right now that we love each other."
"Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant."
"All philosophy in two words - sustain and abstain."
"Three phrases that sum up Christmas are: Peace on Earth, Goodwill to Men, and Batteries not Included."
"What we are in the long run is determined by what we believe."
"There are many modern thinkers who regard faith as an outmoded mediaeval legacy, or a pious Victorian anachronism which has ceased to command the allegiance of intelligent people."
"Oh for the good old days when people would stop Christmas shopping when they ran out of money."
"Santa is very jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live."
"As for butter versus margarine, I trust cows more than chemists."
"As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices; take it or leave it."
"There is one thing more exasperating than a wife who can cook and won't, and that's a wife who can't cook and will."
"It is every man's obligation to put back into the world at least the equivalent of what he takes out of it."
"An intellectual is someone who can listen to the "William Tell Overture" without thinking of the Lone Ranger."
"Toss your dashed hopes not into a trash bin but into a drawer where you are likely to rummage some bright morning."
"You can tell more about a person by what he says about others than you can by what others say about him."
"The joy of music should never be interrupted by a commercial."
"This is the message of Christmas: We are never alone."
"At the moment the Church has not even begun to grasp its frightening potentiality for good and evil."
"Never miss an opportunity to make others happy, even if you have to leave them alone in order to do it."
"Music is the mediator between the spiritual and the sensual life."
"I do like Christmas on the whole... In its clumsy way it does approach Peace and Goodwill. But it is clumsier every year."
"It is Christmas in the heart that puts Chrismas in the air."
"A day is Eternity's seed, and we are its Gardeners."
"I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else."
"Post your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas."
"Gambling is based on the assumption that if a man perseveres long enough his luck is bound to turn."
"A beast can never be as cruel as a man: The tiger only tears and gnaws - that is all he can do."
"Edible - Good to eat and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm."
"Gifts of time and love are surely the basic ingredients of a truly Merry Christmas."
"Opera is where a guy gets stabbed in the back, and instead of dying, he sings."
"It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark."
"I'll bet what motivated the British to colonise so much of the world is that they were just looking for a decent meal."
"The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other."
"The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scots as a joke, but the Scots haven't got the joke yet."
"My idea is that there is music in the air, music all around us; the world is full of it, and you simply take as much as you require."
"Tough and funny and a little bit kind: this is as near to perfection as a human being can be."
"There has been only one Christmas. The rest are anniversaries."
"It is to be remarked that a good many people are born curiously unfitted for the fate waiting them on this earth."
"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city."
"I feel closest to Hell when I'm thinking about money."
"All endeavour calls for the ability to tramp the last mile, shape the last plan, endure the last hours toil."
"No man succeeds without a good woman behind him. Wife or mother, if it is both he is twice blessed indeed."
"Be true to your work, your word, and your friend."
"By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day."
"While they were saying among themselves it cannot be done, it was done."
"The hardest struggle of all is to be something different from what the average man is."
"Coming together is a beginning; keeping together is progress; working together is success."
"We can change our lives, We can do, have and be exactly what we wish."
"One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say."
"What appears to be the end of the road may simply be a bend in the road."
"All men commend patience, although few are willing to practice it."
"Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much."
"Do not worry about avoiding tempation. As you grow older it will avoid you."
"Forgive me my nonsense, as I also forgive the nonsense of those that think they talk sense."
"I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness because it shows me the stars."
"If at first you don't succeed, blame your parents."
"If I can stop one heart from breaking, I shall not live in vain."
"Computers are like Old Testament gods; lots of rules and no mercy."
"One isn't necessarily born with courage, but one is born with potential."
"Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough."
"A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him."
"Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light."
"Successful people ask better questions, and as a result, they get better answers."
"It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married."
"I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people."
"Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts."
"Respect for ourselves guides our morals, respect for others guides our manners."
"Half the world is composed of people who have something to say and can't, and the other half who have nothing to say and keep on saying it."
"The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up."
"Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out."
"Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement."
"Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines."
"God is a metaphor for that which transcends all levels of intellectual thought."
"The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka' but 'That's funny...'"
"A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours."
"If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten."
"Tomorrow is only found in the calendar of fools."
"I have a very strong feeling that the opposite of love is not hate - it's apathy."
"Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow."
"When I eventually met Mr Right I had no idea that his first name was Always."
"Don't ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up."
"Learn to say 'no' to the good so you can say 'yes' to the best."
"The longer I live the more I am convinced that the one thing worth living for and dying for is the privilege of making someone more happy and more useful."
"Happiness is really found in giving and in serving others."
"Treasure the love you receive above all. It will survive long after your gold and good health have vanished."
"The most wasted day of all is that on which we have not laughed."
"The soul that perpetually overflows with kindness and sympathy will always be cheerful."
"To be able to find joy in anothers' joy: that is the secret of happiness."
"Science, far from diminishing the mysteries of the Universe, has in actual fact increased them."
"He chose to be rich by making his wants few."
"To be without some of the things you want is an indispensable part of happiness."
"To be without some of the things you want is an indispensable part of happiness."
"God is pushed out to the very circumference of things and is only called upon when the clockwork of normal events does not function."
"Existence is a strange bargain. Life owes us little; we owe it everything. The only true happiness comes from squandering ourselves for a purpose."
"We act as though comfort and luxury were the chief requirements of life, when all that we need to make us really happy is something to be enthusiastic about."
"Money never prevented anybody from being happy or unhappy."
"No man is happy in the belief that life is at the mercy of blind chance."
"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?"
"When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn."
"The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain."
"Happiness sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open."
"There is no such thing as the pursuit of happiness, but there is the discovery of joy."
"Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with."
"Science can never disprove God."
"Happiness is a voyage, not a destination. There is no better time to be happy than NOW."
"Quotation: something that somebody said that seemed to make sense at the time."
"A psychiatrist is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself."
"The reason that men oppose progress is not that they hate progress but that they love inertia."
"I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash."
"The greatest problem about old age is the fear that it may go on too long."
"It's not the world that's got so much worse but the news coverage that's got so much better."
"When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason - there's a reason."
"Money can't buy friends but you can get a better class of enemy.
"Men have a much better time of it than women; for one thing they marry later; for another thing they die earlier."
"A retentive memory may be a good thing, but the ability to forget is the true token of greatness."
"Men marry because they are tired, women because they are curious. Both are disappointed."
"Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo."
"One of the many pleasures of old age is giving things up."
"The most successful politician is he who says what everybody is thinking most often and in the loudest voice."
"The public have an insatiable curiosity to know everything, except what is worth knowing."
"The follies which a man regrets most in his life are those which he didn't commit when he had the opportunity."
"Man does not live by words alone, despite the fact that sometimes he has to eat them."
"I like the way you always manage to state the obvious with a sense of real discovery."
"For every person wishing to teach, there are thirty not wanting to be taught."
"Love is like the measles - all the worse when it comes late in life."
"Life is too short for men to take it seriously."
"Moderation is a virtue only in those who are thought to have an alternative."
"Money is like a sixth sense without which you cannot make a complete use of the other five."
"Nothing is more responsible for the good old days than a bad memory."
"Greater love hath no man than this, that he lay down his friends for his political life."
"Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even when there's no river."
"Power corrupts, but lack of power corrupts absolutely."
"I have noticed that the people who are late are often so much jollier than the people who have to wait for them."
"There are two motives for reading a book; one, that you enjoy it; the other, that you can boast about it."
"Retirement means twice as much husband on half as much money."
"When you are in trouble, people who call to sympathise are really looking for the particulars."
"The human brain starts working the moment you are born and never stops until you stand up to speak in public."
"The only thing I regret about my life is the length of it. If I had to live my life again, I'd make all the same mistakes - only sooner."
"Nobody ever forgets where he buried a hatchet."
"Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune."
"The fact that an opinion has been widely held is no evidence whatever that it is not utterly absurd."
"An optimist is a man who starts a crossword puzzle with a fountain pen."
"Growing old is like being increasingly penalized for a crime you haven't committed."
"I hope we never live to see the day when a thing is as bad as some of our newspapers make it."
"Middle age is when, whenever you go on holiday, you pack a sweater."
"The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things."
"Marriage is not a word but a sentence."
"I don't know what London's coming to - the higher the buildings the lower the morals."
"If nobody ever said anything unless he knew what he was talking about, a ghastly hush would descend upon the earth."
"An editor is one who separates the wheat from the chaff and prints the chaff."
"People everywhere confuse What they read in newspapers with news."
"'Tis a favorite project of mine, a new value of pi to assign.
I would fix it at 3 for it's simpler, you see, than 3 point 14159"
"I think of my wife, and I think of Lot; And I think of the lucky break he got."
"Oh, isn't life a terrible thing, thank God?"
"Next to knowing when to seize an opportunity, the most important thing is knowing when to forgo an advantage."
"I am an unbeliever - but sometimes I have doubts."
"Take one step towards God and He'll take two steps towards you."
"A government who robs Peter to pay Paul will always get the support of Paul."
"If you can't be grateful for what you have got, be grateful for what you have not got."
"We never know what is enough - until we have had more than enough."
"You don't know what happiness is until you get married - then it's too late."
"In all ages hypocrites called priests have put crowns on the heads of thieves called kings."
"The devil is an optimist if he thinks he can make people meaner than they are."
"The Lord sends the food and the devil sends the cook."
"It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do."
"Knowing how to refuse is as important as knowing how to accept."
"A wise ignorance is an essential part of knowledge."
"We are here for a short time - let's get all the laughter we can."
"The only thing we learn from history is that we don't learn."
"We spend the first half of our life collecting things and the second half trying to get rid of them."
"We crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for yesterday and fear for tomorrow."
"In Brighton she was Brenda, She was Patsy up in Perth; In Cambridge she was Candida, the sweetest girl on earth. In Stafford she was Stella, the pick of all the bunch; but down on his expenses, she was petrol, oil and lunch."
"We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight."
"The Irish people do not gladly suffer common sense."
"People who refer to themselves as intellectuals are automatically committing a social crime and, also, usually an error."
"There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you."
"But after all, what would the English be without their sweet unreasonableness?"
"Only when one has lost all curiosity about the future has one reached the age to write an autobiography."
"To be honest, what I feel really bad about is that I don't feel worse. That is the intellectual's problem in a nutshell."
"One of the minor pleasures of life is to be slightly ill."
"Happiness is a station between too little and too much."
"Money is something you need in case you don't die tomorrow."
"Better to light a candle than curse the darkness."
"Better to regret your silence once than your words many times."
"Grow old along with me! The best is yet to be."
"Marriage is an attempt to turn a night owl into a homing pigeon."
"A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognised."
"The Falklands Incident was a quarrel between two bald men over a comb."
"Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught."
"Among the things that money can't buy is what it used to."
"When you put down the good things you ought to have done, and leave out the bad things you did do - that's Memoirs."
"Nothing is so exhausting as indecision, and nothing is so futile."
"What he lacks in intelligence, he makes up for in stupidity."
"After a long life I have come to the conclusion that when all the Establishment is united it is always wrong."
"Deploring change is the unchangeable habit of all Englishmen."
"Eternity is a terrible thought. I mean, where's it going to end?"
"An atheist is a man who has no invisible means of support."
"Democracy means government by the uneducated, while aristocracy means government by the badly educated."
"If you want my final opinion on the mystery of life and all that, I can give it to you in a nutshell. The universe is like a safe to which there is a combination. But the combination is locked up in the safe."
"The minorities are sometimes right. The majorities never."
"The doctrine of an eye for an eye leaves everyone blind."
"I regret not knowing earlier what I know now."
"One of the most difficult things in this world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money."
"Pedestrian: someone who thought he had petrol in his tank."
"To marry once is a duty; to marry twice is folly; to marry three times is madness."
"To be successful, act big, think big and talk big."
"There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so."
"Only the mediocre are always at their best."
"The atom bomb has changed everything except our thinking - thus we are drifting towards catastrophe."
"To be poor and content is to be rich indeed."
"Man is the only animal that blushes, or needs to."
"I believe in Christ but not the Church."
"The doctor of the future will give no medicine, but will instruct his patient in the care of the human frame, in diet and in the cause and prevention of disease. "
"There are no illegitimate children - only illegitimate parents."
"The thoughtless are rarely wordless."
"There is a very fine line between genius and madness."
"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move."
"Never to have suffered is never to have been blessed."
"Religion is a good invention in times of stress."
"You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist."
"I grumbled because I had no shoes - until I saw a man who had no feet."
"We don't know a millionth of one per cent about anything."
"Once made equal to men - women become their superiors."
"The lion and the lamb shall lie down together - but the lamb won't get much sleep."
"I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education."
"I don't desire to change anything in England except the weather."
"If my doctor told me I only had six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood. I'd type a little faster."
"An autobiography is an obituary in serial form with the last instalment missing."
"My sad conviction is that people can only agree about what they're not really interested in."
"The world is divided into people who do things - and people who get the credit."
"When people are least sure, they are often most dogmatic."
"Faith is much better than belief. Belief is when someone else does the thinking."
"The government solution to a problem is usually as bad as the problem."
"Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny."
"Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt."
"He's turned his life around. He used to be depressed and miserable. Now he's miserable and depressed."
"To err is human but to really foul things up requires a computer."
"Don't borrow or lend, but if you must do one, lend."
"The world is quickly bored by the recital of misfortune and willingly avoids the sight of distress."
"There is the greatest practical benefit in making a few failures early in life."
"If you want to eat well in England, eat three breakfasts."
"Asking a working writer what he feels about critics is like asking a lamp-post what it feels about dogs."
"A banker is a man who lends you an umbrella when the weather is fair, and takes it away from you when it rains."
"Odd things animals. All dogs look up to you. All cats look down to you. Only a pig looks at you as an equal."
"It is perfectly monstrous the way people go about, nowadays, saying things against one behind one's back that are absolutely and entirely true."
"Blessed is he who expects no gratitude, for he shall not be disappointed."
"That's the funny thing about religion; it doesn't matter what you say, you're going to upset someone."
"If there is anything that links the human to the divine, it is the courage to stand by a principle when everybody else rejects it."
"I like the silent church before the service begins, better than any preaching."
"Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich."
"Gravity explains the motions of the planets, but it cannot explain who sets the planets in motion."
"The reformer is always right about what's wrong. However, he's often wrong about what's right."
"A friend is someone who lets you have total freedom to be yourself."
"If you run you stand a chance of losing, but if you don't run you've already lost."
"He who defends with love will be secure; Heaven will save him, and protect him with love."
"If you have good thoughts, they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely."
"It's well known that repression makes a religion flourish."
"May you live in such a way that your death is just the beginning of your life."
"To be a philosophical sceptic is the first and most essential step towards being a sound, believing Christian."
"You've got to get up every morning with determination if you're going to go to bed with satisfaction."
"The difference between the impossible and the possible lies in a persons determination."
"Religion is flawed, but only because man is flawed."
"To attain knowledge, add things every day. To attain wisdom, remove things every day."
"The government of the United States is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion."
"The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can't find them, make them."
"J.O.Y. Jesus first, others second, yourself last."
"No problem is so big or so complicated that it can't be run away from."
"Look at a day when you were supremely satisfied at the end. It's not a day when you lounge around doing nothing; it's when you've had everything to do, and you've got it done."
"Coincidence is God's way of staying annonymous."
"First they ignore you. Then they laugh at you. Then they fight you. Then you win."
"No one can do everything, but everyone can do something."
"Be pleasant until ten o'clock in the morning and the rest of the day will take care of itself."
"Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people."
"Continuous effort, not strength or intelligence, is the key to unlocking our potential."
"If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading."
"It is easier to change a man's religion than to change his diet."
"Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it."
"Do what you can, with what you have, where you are."
"It always seems impossible until it's done."
"Watch your thoughts, they become words: watch your words, they become actions: watch your actions, they become habit: watch your habits, they become character: watch your character, it becomes your destiny."
"Happiness is waking up, looking at the clock and finding you still have two hours left to sleep."
"What we call progress is the exchange of one nuisance for another nuisance."
"As a white candle in a holy place, so is the beauty of an aged face."
"Positive ideals are becoming a curse, for they can seldom be achieved without someone being killed, or maimed or interned."
"Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished."
"Learn from yesterday, live for today, look to tomorrow, rest this afternoon."
"There is one thing about being President - nobody can tell you when to sit down."
"What the world most needs today are negative virtues - not minding people, not being huffy, touchy, irritable or revengeful."
"It is hard to tell where MCC ends and the Church of England begins."
"I did not say history was bunk. It was bunk to me . . I did not need it very bad."
"The average man is always waiting for something to happen to him instead of setting to work to make things happen."
"How narrow is the line which separates an adventure from an ordeal, and escape from exile."
"Perhaps not one religion contains all of the truth of the world. Perhaps every religion contains fragments of the truth and it is our responsibility to identify those fragments and piece them together."
"Women want mediocre men, and men are working hard to be as mediocre as possible."
"Some people succeed because they are destined to, but most people succeed because they are determined to."
"Don't criticise too quickly. Even a clock that doesn't work is right twice a day."
"The world at its worst needs the church at its best."
"A man is not complete until he is married - then he is finished."
"If Jesus Christ were to come today, people whould not even crucify him. They would ask him to dinner, and hear what he had to say, and make fun of it."
"For those who believe, no proof is necessary. For those who don't believe, no proof is possible."
"Generally speaking, the errors of religion are dangerous; those in philosophy only ridiculous."
"If you want the last word in an argument say: "I expect you're right"."
"Failure is a temporary detour, not a dead-end street."
"Every Christian occupies some kind of pulpit and preaches some kind of sermon every day."
"Prayer for all preachers: "Lord fill my mouth with worthwhile stuff and nudge me when I've said enough"."
"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Walk beside me and be my friend."
"One of the most difficult things to give away is kindness - it is usually returned."
"We are not ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
"The quickest way to make a red light turn green is to try to find something in the glove compartment."
"What a pity it is that we have no amusements in England but vice and religion."
"A gossip is one who talks to you about other people; a bore is one who talks about himself; a brilliant conversationalist is one who talks to you about yourself."
"Unless there is a Good Friday in your life, there can be no Easter Sunday."
"Faith is not so much something we believe; faith is something we live."
"Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God."
"If it squirms, it's biology; if it stinks, it's chemistry; if it doesn't work, it's physics and if you can't understand it, it's mathematics."
"There is sufficiency in the world for man's need but not for man's greed."
"The trouble with the rat-race is that even if you win, you're still a rat."
"Do not wait for the last judgement. It comes every day."
"Doubt isn't the opposite of faith, it is an element of faith."
"The Christian ideal has not been tried and found wanting. It has been found difficult and left untried."
"However harmless a thing is, if the law forbids it most people will think it wrong."
"Old age isn't so bad when you consider the alternative."
"Fred Astaire was great, but don't forget that Ginger Rogers did everything that he did, backwards and in high heels."
"We should live our lives as though Christ was coming this afternoon."
"Sometimes you can see things happen right in front of your eyes and still jump to the wrong conclusion."
"In all of living, have much fun and laughter. Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured."
"Faith hears the inaudible, sees the invisible, believes the incredible and receives the impossible."
"It is easier to judge a person's mental capacity by their questions than by their answers."
"An inability to stay quiet is one of the most conspicuous failures of human kind."
"The best thing to spend on your children is your time."
"It's a recession when your neighbour loses his job; it's a depression when you lose your job."
"Don't tell me about your god with your words. Show me about your god with your actions."
"Religion is like a pair of shoes - find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes."
"Every time I start to think the world is moving too fast, I go to the Post Office."
"When Solomon said there was a time and a place for everything, he had not encountered the problem of parking an automobile."
"It is not enough to have every intelligent person in the country voting for me - I need a majority."
"All men are of the same mould but some are mouldier than others."
"Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them."
"The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible."
"My concern is not whether God is on our side. My greatest concern is to be on God's side, for God is always right."
"If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blankets back to your side."
"The great secret of a successful marriage is to treat all disasters as incidents and none of the incidents as disasters."
"Mr Speaker, I withdraw my statement that half the cabinet are asses - half the cabinet are not asses."
"Science and religion are not at odds. Science is simply too young to understand."
"Some Christians give the impression they have been baptised in vinegar."
"Summer is the season when a man thinks he can cook better on an outdoor grill than his wife can on an indoor stove."
"It's marvellous how quickly many worries dissolve when you write them down."
"Tomorrow is one of the greatest labour-saving devices of today"
"In times like these, it helps to recall that there have always been times like these."
"To get something done, a committee should consist of no more than three men, two of whom are absent."
"Inflation - cutting money in half without damaging the paper."
"Consistency requires you to be as ignorant today as you were a year ago."
"Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile."
"If God doesn't like the way I live, let him tell me, not you."
"In some awful, strange, paradoxical way, atheists tend to take religion more seriously than the practitioners."
"A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject."
"The Bible is a divinely inspired book, admirably suited for the needs of one's neighbours."
"The Bible contains much that is relevant today, like Noah taking forty days to find a place to park."
"Gardeners are among the most calm and relaxed people (while they are gardening)."
"I'd rather live my life assuming there is a God, only to find out that there isn't, than to live my whole life assuming there isn't a God, only to find out that there is."
"A bachelor is a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable."
"Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark and professionals built the Titanic."
"A cigarette is a little tobacco rolled in paper with a fire at one end and a fool at the other."
"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls a butterfly."
"Maybe this world is another planet's hell."
"A school teacher is a disillusioned person who used to think he liked children."
"Sometimes one creates a dynamic impression by saying something, and sometimes one creates as significant an impression by remaining silent."
"Some things have to be believed to be seen."
"Even though sunsets may sometimes be sad, they are always peaceful."
"Woman was God's second mistake."
"Capital punishment is killing people who kill people to prove that killing people is wrong."
"Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired."
"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned."
"If there were no God, there would be no atheists."
"If you have spiritual or religious beliefs, you probably have access to one of the world's most time-honoured methods of achieving tranquillity: prayer."
"Indulge yourself by being generous - help someone out, perform an act of kindness, offer a compliment."
"Money is of no value, it cannot spend itself. All depends on the skill of the spender."
"We all need money, but there are degrees of desperation."
"Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new."
"If I agree with you we'd both be wrong."
"While there is flesh there is money - or want of money, but money is always on the brain so long as there is a brain in reasonable order."
"This is my story: this morning I will live, I will learn, I will grow, I will help."
"Have you ever noticed a calm person with a loud voice?"
"A glass of chilled water will calm you more than most other liquids."
"The life of the farmer has its compensations but it has always been one of hardship."
"Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once."
"Good advice is never as helpful as an interest free loan."
"People die for wealth and birds die for food."
"Motivation is the art of getting people to do what you want them to do because they want to do it."
"Older people shouldn't eat health food; they need all the preservatives they can get."
"I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong."
"Articulating problems often takes you half way to solving them."
"A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory."
"Lady Astor to Winston Churchill "If you were my husband I'd poison your brandy". The reply was "If you were my wife, I'd drink it"."
"Only dead fish go with the flow."
"I don't believe in miracles, I rely on them."
"A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist."
"The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously."
"If you do not say it, they can't repeat it."
"Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car."
"Action may not always bring happiness, but there is no happiness without action."
"There are only two ways to handle tense situations: you can change them, or you can change the way you look at them."
"Contrary to what you may tell yourself, you have all the time in the world to do whatever you choose."
"Science investigates, religion interprets. Science gives man knowledge which is power; religion gives man wisdom which is control."
"In a gentle way, you can shake the world."
"How amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world everyday always just exactly fits the newspaper."
"It is only in sorrow bad weather masters us: in joy we face the storm and defy it. "
"There are two ways of spreading light; to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it."
"All personal breakthroughs begin with a change in beliefs."
"We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot-control."
"For some activities in life, there are no prizes for perseverance."
"It's hard to feel tense when you're learning something you want to know."
"He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life."
"Restlessness and discontent are the first necessities of progress."
"As I said before, I never repeat myself."
"Eastbourne - the dead centre of the south coast."
"Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?"
"God must love stupid people, He made so many."
"Regular naps prevent old age . . . especially if you take them when you're driving."
"If it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all."
"I thought I was wrong once, but it turns out I was mistaken."
"Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seed that you plant."
"Go to heaven for the climate, Hell for the company."
"The attempt to combine wisdom and power has only rarely been successful, and then only for a short while."
"Winners are losers who gave it one more try."
"Just as a group attitude or mood can influence the individual, a determined individual can influence the group."
"The most successful people are those who are good at plan B."
"People read the Bible more as they get older - they are cramming for the finals."
"Minds are like parachutes - they only work well when they are open."
"Marriage is not a lottery - you get a chance in a lottery."
"I wonder why they put a letter "s" in the word "LISP"."
"There is little doubt that those who get the most from life are those who look for the wonder in even the smallest things they do."
"War doesn't determine who is right - only who is left."
"The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
"If you believe the doctors nothing is wholesome. If you believe the theologians nothing is innocent. If you believe the military nothing is safe."
"I intend to live for ever. So far so good."
"A husband is living proof that a woman can take a joke."
"A problem well stated is a problem half solved."
"If you can overlook the small issues of life, and concentrate on the important ones, you will be much closer to calm."
"The question is what happens if you get half scared to death twice?"
"A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well."
"Put aside a certain amount of time each day, at the same time each day, which you devote to sorting out your worries."
"The more I want to get something done, the less I call it work."
"I'd like to help you out, which way did you come in?"
"Everyone has the right to be stupid, but some people abuse the privelege."
"Most stress and anxiety is the result of what happens inside your head, rather than what happens to your body."
"Work on having positive thoughts; pay particular attention to speaking positive words."
"Good question: Why is a bra singular and panties plural?"
"Growth itself contains the germ of happiness."
"Who will free me from this turbulent priest?"
"He spoke with a certain what-is-it in his voice, and I could see that, if not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled."
"Be wise today; 'tis madness to defer."
"I wanted to change the world. But I have found that the only thing one can be sure of changing is oneself."
"Knowledge comes, but wisdom lingers."
"Change will not come if we wait for some other person, or if we wait for some other time."
"We are taught you must blame your father, your sisters, your brothers, the school, the teachers - but never blame yourself."
"Old and young, we are all on our last cruise."
"They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself."
"Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.
"Man wants but little; nor that little, long."
"Ah! don't say that you agree with me. When people agree with me I always feel that I must be wrong."
"Children begin by loving their parents; as they grow older they judge them; sometimes they forgive them."
"So many gods, so many creeds, so many paths that wind and wind; While just the art of being kind is all the sad world needs."
"No man can be an agnostic who has a sense of humour."
"For all sad words of tongue or pen the saddest are these: It might have been!
"The hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world."
"I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples."
"Change the way you look at things and things you look at change."
"Even if the doctor does not give you a year, even if he hesitates about a month, make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week."
"To improve is to change; to be perfect is to change often."
"Never say a humorous thing to a man who does not possess humour. He will always use it in evidence against you."
"When I say that I know women, I mean I know that I don't know them. Every single woman I ever knew is a puzzle to me, as, I have no dount, she is to herself."
"Monday is parson's holiday."
"Humour does not rescue us from unhappiness, but enable us to move back from it a little."
"By the time a man gets well into the seventies his continued existence is a mere miracle."
"Tis known by the name of perseverance in a good cause, and obstinacy in a bad one."
"Taking a new step, uttering a new word, is what people fear most."
"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has."
"What is a church? - our honest sexton tells, 'Tis a tall building, with a tower and bells.'"
"Two strawberries: 'If we hadn't been in the same bed we wouldn't both be in this jam now.'"
"There is only one ideal after-dinner speech - and it consists of just five words: 'I will take the bill.'"
"Behind every successful man there lies an ambitious wife - and an astonished mother-in-law."
"Horse sense is the kind of extra sense that horses have which leads them not to bet on human beings."
"No matter how bad things look, they can always get worse."
"I will make you shorter by the head."
"Just because you have a computer doesn't mean you can't be stupid."
"Reasonable people adapt themselves to the world. Unreasonable people attempt to adapt the world to themselves. All progress, therefore, depends on unreasonable people."
"Television enables you to be entertained in your home by people you wouldn't have in your home."
"Television has returned us to the picture thinking of primitive men."
"What the crowd requires is mediocrity of the highest order."
"If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail."
"Democracy must be more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what's for dinner."
"A government big enough to give us everything is big enough to take everything you have."
"Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth."
"Always remember you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else."
"Cats regard people as warmblooded furniture."
"Conscience: the inner voice that warns us someone may be looking."
"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
"There is no light so perfect as that which shines from an open fridge at 2 a.m."
"It is always the best policy to speak the truth, unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good liar."
"There is nothing new in the world except the history you do not know."
"Nowadays you can go anywhere in the world in a few hours, and nothing is fabulous any more."
"Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony."
"Just when you think you've got the rat race licked - boom! Faster rats."
"Learn how to say 'I don't know'. If used when appropriate, it will be used often."
"An error is not a mistake until you refuse to correct it.
"The only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary."
"Don't tell me how hard you work. Tell me how much you get done."
"If you stop telling lies about me, I'll stop telling the truth about you."
"The capacity of human beings to bore one another seems to be vastly greater than that of any other animal."
"An optimist is someone who tells you to cheer up when things are going his way."
"The news gives you 5% of what's going on and even that's distorted."
"You can never get all the facts from just one newspaper, and unless you have the facts you cannot make proper judgements about what is going on."
"There are only three sins - causing pain, causing fear, and causing anquish. The rest is window dressing."
"Blessed are the bewildered because they won't notice the difference."
"Have no fear of perfection - you'll never reach it."
"The world is so dreadfully managed, one hardly knows to whom to complain."
"When we do good, no one remembers. When we do bad, no one forgets."
"Moses dragged us through the desert to the one place in the Middle East where there is no oil."
"And God said 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan.'"
"The problem of the global village is all the global village idiots."
"Man is God's best friend."
"Politics is not the art of the possible. It consists of choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable."
"Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy."
"By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong."
"Alligators have the right idea, they eat their young."
"Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition."
"A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears."
"A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history."
"The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents."
"The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage."
"That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind."
"The world is very different now. For man holds in his mortal hands the power to abolish all forms of human poverty, and all forms of human life."
"Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages."
"When they discover the centre of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to discover that they are not it."
"Our Age of Anxiety is, in great part, the result of trying to do today's jobs with yesterday's tools."
"I won't take my religion from any man who never works except with his mouth."
"I am determined that my children shall be brought up in their father's religion, if they can find out what it is."
"Cheer up. The worst is still to come."
"To live a creative life, we must lose our fear of being wrong."
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
"The two most beautiful words in the English language are 'cheque enclosed'."
"If you can, help others; if you cannot do that, at least do not harm them."
"A fool and his money are lucky to meet in the first place."
"The entire essence of America is the hope to first make money - then make more money with money - then make lots of money with lots of money."
"Dogs look up to you. Cats look down on you. Pigs treat you as equal."
"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realise half of them are stupider than that."
"Autumn is really the best of seasons; and I'm not sure that old age isn't the best part of life."
"Thank goodness I was never sent to school: it would have rubbed off some of the originality."
"The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it."
"We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavours and furniture polish is made from real lemons."
"The trouble with political jokes is that very often they get elected."
"What some people mistake for the high cost of living is really the cost of high living."
"A bookstore is one of the only places of evidence we have that people are still thinking."
"If all economists were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion."
"If I were reincarnated, I would wish to be returned to Earth as a killer virus to lower human population levels."
"Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year."
"If the world should blow itself up, the last audible voice would be that of an expert saying it can't be done."
"Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain."
"They invented the three-day bank holiday weekend because you can't lump all the bad weather into just Saturday and Sunday."
"Grandchildren are God's way of compensating us for growing old."
"I refuse to spend my life worrying about what I eat. There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward."
"An hour with your grandchildren can make you feel young again. Anything longer than that, and you start to age quickly."
"Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils."
"Yes, time flies. And where did it leave you? Old too soon . . smart too late."
"Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome."
"The spiritual eyesight improves as the physical eyesight declines."
"Who wants to be 95? 94-year-olds."
"I know of nothing more laughable than a doctor who does not die of old age."
"At my age every doctor says the same thing; it's either something I have to live with - or something I have to live without."
"There are only three things that can kill a farmer: lightning, rolling over in a tractor, and old age."
"We all get heavier as we get older because there is a lot more information in our heads."
"Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times."
"Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been."
"A beautiful lady is an accident of nature. A beautiful old lady is a work of art."
"I don't believe make-up and the right hairstyle alone can make a woman beautiful. The most radiant woman in the room is the one full of life and experience."
"People say that age is just a state of mind. I say it's more about the state of your body."
"How pleasant is the day when we give up striving to be young - or slender."
"A man of 60 has spent 20 years in bed and over three years in eating."
"The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it."
"No day is so bad it can't be fixed with a nap."
"Money is something you have to make in case you don't die."
"The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it."
"The challenge of retirement is how to spend time without spending money. "
"Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work."
"The question isn't at what age I want to retire, it's at what income."
"Retired is being twice tired, I've thought. First tired of working, then tired of not."
"The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off."
"If youth is wasted on the young, then retirement is wasted on the old."
"Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?"
"Was it you or your brother who was killed in the war?"
"Cheerfulness and contentment are great beautifiers, and are famous preservers of youthful looks."
"They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning."
"Middle age is having a choice of two temptations and choosing the one that will get you home earlier."
"I didn't get old on purpose, it just happened. If you're lucky it could happen to you."
"When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch."
"Porridge is also the secret to a long life. I have it in the morning and it's the best start to the day."
"I'd like to grow very old as slowly as possible."
"From our birthday, until we die, is but the winking of an eye."
"A 90 year old man was asked to what he attributed his longevity. 'I reckon it's because most nights I went to bed and slept when I should have sat up and worried."
"To lengthen thy life, lessen thy meals."
"There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot."
"Give a man a fish and he has food for a day. Teach him how to fish and you can get rid of him for the entire weekend."
"It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf."
"What one needs in gardening is a cast-iron back, with a hinge in it."
"Acting has been good to me. It's taken me to play golf all over the world."
"Live each day as if it were your last, and garden as though you will live forever."
"If you want to be happy for a short time, get drunk; happy for a long time, fall in love;
happy forever, take up gardening."
"The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course."
"Getting old is a fascination thing. The older you get, the older you want to get."
"I am not young enough to know everything."
"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia."
"The time to begin most things is 10 years ago."
"Old age scares me. Almost everyone I know who is old is quite miserable, especially men."
"Find an aim in life before you run out of ammunition."
"Forget past mistakes. Forget failures. Forget everything except what you are going to do now and do it."
"Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough."
"I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I want to see."
"Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out."
"Before marriage, a man will lay down his life for you; after marriage he won't even lay down his newspaper."
"There are no crown-wearers in heaven that were not cross-bearers here below."
"A Yorkshireman reached the Pearly Gates. The recording angel unlocking the gates wearily says 'From Yorkshire eh? Well you can come in, but you won't like it'."
"There is wishful thinking in Hell as well as on earth."
"Hell has three gates, lust, anger and greed."
"Man's inhumanity to man makes countless thousands mourn."
"If another woman steals your man, there's no better revenge than letting her keep him. Real men can't be stolen."
"The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present."
"Life is too short to argue and fight."
"Don't change so people will like you. Be yourself and the right people will love the real you."
"Difficulties in your life don't come to destroy you, but to help you realize your hidden potential."
"If you think nobody cares if you're living, try missing a couple of payments."
"Count your blessings, value your loved ones and move on with your head held high and a smile for everyone."
"Never reply when you are angry; Never make a promise when you are happy; Never make a decision when you are sad."
"The tyrant dies and his rule is over, the martyr dies and his rule begins."
"My son has taken up meditation - at least it's better than sitting doing nothing."
"Everything is miraculous. It is a miracle that one does not melt in one's bath."
"If you would know what the Lord God thinks of money you have only to look at those He gives it to."
"We make our friends; we make our enemies, but God sends our next door neighbour."
"Every Christian needs an half hour of prayer each day, except when he is busy, then he needs an hour."
"The world may doubt the power of prayer. But the saints know better."
"We should spend as much time in thanking God for His benefits as we do in asking him for them."
". . More things are wrought by prayer than this world dreams of . ."
"Those who are quick to promise are generally slow to perform."
"To preach more than half an hour, a man should be an angel and have angels for hearers."
"In the best prophecies 60% is man, 40% is God. In the usual prophecies 90% is man, 10% is God."
"A puritan is a person who pours righteous indignation into the wrong things."
"If people want a sense of purpose they should get it from the archbishops and not from politicians."
"Skin colour does not matter to God, for he is looking upon the heart . . When men are standing at the foot of the cross there are no racial barriers."
"Most quarrels are inevitable at the time; incredible afterwards."
"I asked a Quaker friend to describe the essence of his faith. 'No pomp', he replied,'under any circumstance.'"
"Some people think reconciliation is a soft option, that it means papering over the cracks. But the biblical meaning means looking facts in the face and it can be very costly: it cost God the death of his own son."
"I think the resurrection of the body, unless much improved in construction, a mistake."
"Two blacks make no white; two wrongs do not make a right."
"The Indian sees no need for setting apart one day in seven as a holy day, since to him all days are God's."
"Jesus had no organisation, no headed notepaper, no funds, no registered premises, no distinguished patrons or officers, except only a treasurer - the ill-fated Judas Iscariot."
"At my age, I want to wake up and see sunshine pouring in through the windows every day."
"As men get older, their toys get more expensive."
"You end up as you deserve. In old age you must put up with the face, the friends, the health, and the children you have earned."
"You take your life in your own hands, and what happens? a terrible thing: no one to blame."
"I live in that solitude which is painful in youth, but delicious in the years of maturity."
"Old age at least gives me an excuse for not being very good at things that I was not very good at when I was young."
"My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met."
"In youth we run into difficulties. In old age difficulties run into us."
"No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century."
"All marriages are happy. It's trying to live together afterwards that causes all the problems."
"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and by then it was too late."
"To see a young couple loving each other is no wonder, but to see an old couple loving each other is the best sight of all."
"The main thing wrong with the younger generation is that we aren't in it."
"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years."
"You see things; and you say,'Why?'. But I dream things that never were; and I say, 'Why not?'."
"It takes about ten years to get used to how old you are."
"If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style."
"All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed."
"If you think before you speak the other guy gets his joke in first."
"A woman's always younger than a man at equal years."
"Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life."
"It is not disbelief that is dangerous to our society, it is belief."
"We ought to struggle earnestly to increase our beliefs. Every addition to them is an extension of life, both in breadth and depth."
"I believe in the equality of man; and I believe that religious duties consist in doing justice, loving mercy and in endeavouring to make our fellow creatures happy."
"There is nothing that can help you understand your beliefs more than trying to explain them to an inquisitor."
"If people stop believing in religion they don't then believe in nothing, they believe in everything."
"Selfishness is the only real atheism."
"There is no evil in the atom - only in men's souls."
"Jesus alone can make atonement because he is the atonement - the at-onement of God and man."
"God's trustiest lieutenants often lack official credentials. They may be professed atheists who are also men of honour and high public spirit."
"Atheism shows strength of mind, but only to a certain degree."
"God can stand being told by Professor Ayer and Marghanita Laski that he doesn't exist."
"The first requisite for the happiness of the people is the abolition of religion."
"The devil divides the world between atheism and superstition."
"An atheist is a man with no invisible means of support."
"Believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help create the fact."
"A little credulity helps one on through life very smoothly."
"The use of atomic energy proves that the road to Hell is payed with good inventors."
". . it's an interesting view of atheism, as a sort of crutch for those who can't stand the reality of God."
"To believe only possibilities is not faith, but mere philosophy."
"All things are possible to one who believes."
"Do all the good you can by all the means you can, in all the ways you can, in all the places you can, to all the people you can, as long as ever you can."
"Perhaps the straight and narrow path would be wider if more people used it."
"Man would indeed be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear of punishment and hope of reward after death."
"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step."
"Beauty is one of the rare things that do not lead to doubt of God"
"Theist and Atheist - the fight between them is as to whether God shall be called God or have some other name."
"I am an atheist still, thank God."
"The Ascension is a festival of the future of the world. The flesh is redeemed and glorified, for the Lord has risen for ever. We Christians are, therefore, the most sublime materialists."
"Archbishop: A Christian ecclesiastic of a rank superior to that attained by Christ."
"It is the unhappy lot of the Archbishop to have immense responsibility with very little power."
"The apple was the first fruit of the world according to Genesis, but it was no Cox's Orange Pippin. God gave the crab apple and left the rest to man."
"Our whole life is taken up with anxiety for personal security, with preparations for living, so that we really never live at all."
"Science may have found a cure for most evils, but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all - the apathy of human beings."
"We can only reach with determination for the warm hand of God, which we have so rashly and self-confidently pushed away."
"I really don't think I could consent to go to Heaven if I thought there were to be no animals there."
"It is not known precisely where angels dwell - whether in the air, the void or the planets. It has not been God's pleasure that we should be informed of their abode."
"Man is a credulous animal and must believe something. In the absence of good grounds for belief, he will be satisfied with bad ones."
"The Christian believes that he was created to know, love, and serve God in this world and to be happy with Him in the next. That is the sole reason for his existence."
"For this I think is charity, to love God for Himself and our neighbour for God."
"The Bible is like the poor; we have it always with us, but we know very little about it."
"When you read God's word, you must constantly be saying to yourself, 'It is talking to me, and about me.'"
"The Holy Bible is an abyss. It is impossible to explain how profound it is, impossible to explain how simple it is."
"Once we had wooden chalices and golden priests. Now we have golden chalices and wooden priests."
"To believe in God is to yearn for his existence and furthermore, it is to act as if he did exist."
"Bells call others, but themselves enter not into Church."
"Thousands have gone to heaven who have never read one page of the Bible."
"If a man is only a little lower than the angels, the angels should reform."
"Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly."
"If all pulled in one direction the world would keel over."
"He sins against this life, who slights the next."
"You can learn more about human nature by reading the Bible than by living in New York."
"The number one book of the ages was written by a committee, and it was called the Bible."
"The books of the Bible were written over a long period of time. It took God longer to write the Bible than it has taken him to build the British Empire."
"The greatest mistake the bishops make is in thinking they are the Church. The Church is the laity."
"A bishop keeps on saying at eighty what he was told to say when he was a boy of eighteen."
"Christianity has taught us to care. Caring is the greatest thing, caring matters most."
"Celibacy - If every man gave up women in God's name, where in God's name would be the men to give up women in a generation's time."
"No sound ought to be heard in the church but the healing voice of Christian charity."
"He that bestows his goods upon the poor, shall have as much again, and ten times more."
"Isn't it better to have men being ungrateful than to miss the chance to do good?"
"America is God's Crucible, the great Melting Pot where all the races of Europe are melting and reforming! God is making the American."
"All sins have their origin in a sense of inferiority, otherwise called ambition."
"Jesus was in a garden, not of delight as the first Adam, in which he destroyed himself and the whole human race, but in one of agony, in which he saved himself and the whole human race."
"I am all for the higher agnosticism: its better name is ignorance."
"There is no man in this world without some manner of tribulation or anguish, though he be king or pope."
"Don't use God for a conversation stopper."
"You don't stop laughing when you grow old; you grow old when you stop laughing."
"If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun."
"Death is nature's way of telling you to slow down."
"May the best of your past be the worst of your future."
"Past is past and we must live the present to survive the future."
"If you can't convince them, confuse them."
"The old believe everything: the middle aged suspect everything: The young know everything."
"Minds ripen at very different ages."
"All you need is love - but a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt."
"Women like the simpler things in life - like men."
"Wisdom doesn't necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself."
"The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life."
"My mother is going to have to stop lying about her age because pretty soon I'm going to be old that she is."
"In the end, we only regret the chances we didn't take, and the decisions we waited too long to make."
"The world judges by the decisions we make, never does it see the options we had to choose from."
"One thing only has been lent to youth and age in common - discontent."
"It would be a good thing if young people were wise, and old people were strong, but God has arranged things better."
"There are three classes into which all the women over 70 that ever I knew were to be divided - 1. That dear old soul. 2. That old woman. 3. That old witch."
"There's one thing about a late marriage - it doesn't last long."
"On my sixtieth birthday my wife gave me a superb birthday present. She let me win an argument."
"My wife and I tried to breakfast together, but we had to stop or our marriage would have been wrecked."
"You're getting old when you're told to slow down by your doctor instead of the police."
"Jesus saves - with the Woolwich."
"There will always be a reason why you meet people, either you need them to change your life or you're the one that will change theirs."
"If your presence doesn't make an impact your absence won't make a difference."
"Here I am, a comfortable middle-aged rabbi, blessed with central heating, food processor, and aspiring to a microwave, devouring books on suffering, affliction and asceticism as I go to work in the morning."
"Did universal charity prevail, earth would be heaven - and hell a fable."
"There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist or accept the responsibility for changing them."
"Beauty only gets attention. Personality is what captures the heart."
"And the meek shall inherit the earth - if that's all right with the rest of you."
"The only thing worse than a man you can't control is a man you can."
"Keep Britain tidy - kill tourists "
"I have completely mastered the right way to do everything wrong."
"Kick out the Tories - and look what happens."
"Jesus saves - today he's the only one who can afford to."
"To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived - that is to have succeeded."
"As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I am totally flexible."
"There are two things to aim at in life: first, to get what you want, and after that, to enjoy it. Only the wisest of mankind achieve the second."
"The shortest way to do many things is to do only one thing at once."
"Shallow brooks murmur most, deep silent slide away."
"Laws are generally found to be nets of such a texture, as the little creep through, the great break through, and the middle-sized are alone entangled in."
"The three great elements of modern civilisation, gunpowder, printing and the protestant religion."
"We argued the thing at breakfast, we argued the thing at tea; And the more we argued the question, the more we didn't agree."
"Make the least ado about your greatest gifts. Be content to act, and leave the talking to others."
"In every kind of adversity the bitterest part of a man' affliction is to remember he once was happy."
"The luckiest man was Adam - he had no mother-in-law."
"Tomorrow God isn't going to ask what did you dream? what did you think? what did you plan? what did you preach? He's going to ask what did you do?"
"Never be entirely idle; but either be reading, or writing, or praying, or meditating, or endeavouring something for the public good."
"When I believe, I am no longer a mere man, I am already a Son of God."
"Action springs not from thought, but from a readiness for responsibility."
"No great achievement is possible without persistent work."
"You see dear, it is not true that woman was made from man's rib, she was really made from his funny bone."
"When we cannot by searching find the bottom, we must sit down at the brink and adore the depths"
"For what has been - thanks! For what shall be - yes!"
"Is the devil to have all the passions as well as all the good tunes?"
"Here lies a great and mighty king whose promise none relies on; He never said a foolish thing, nor ever did a wise one."
"For when the One Great Scorer comes to write against your name, He marks - not that you won or lost - but how you played the game."
"These are the times that try men's souls."
"'Twas a thief said the last kind word to Christ: Christ took the kindness and forgave the theft."
"Superstition is the religion of feeble minds."
"When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet, but his books were read'."
"Man's inhumanity to man makes countless thousands mourn!"
"O wad some Pow'r the giftie gie us to see oursels as others see us!"
"For the cause that lacks assistance, For the wrong that needs resistance, For the future in the distance, And the good that I can do."
"Where Christ erecteth his church, the devil in the same churchyard will have his chapel."
"It is unfortunate, considering that enthusiasm moves the world, that so few enthusiasts can be trusted to speak the truth."
"God and the doctor we alike adore, but only when in danger, not before."
"Who rises from prayer a better man, his prayer is answered."
"Lost, yesterday, somewhere between Sunrise and Sunset, two golden hours, each set with sixty diamond minutes. No reward is offered, for they are gone forever."
"It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife."
"People who like this sort of thing will find this the sort of thing they like."
"You can fool all the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all of the time."
"Business today consists of persuading crowds."
"My object will be, if possible, to form Christian men, for Christian boys I can scarcely hope to make."
"What we must look for here is, first, religious and moral principles; secondly, gentlemanly conduct; thirdly, intellectual ability."
"In everything that relates to science, I am a whole encyclopaedia behind the rest of the world"
"The true meaning of religion is thus not simply morality, but morality touched by emotion."
"With women the heart argues, not the mind."
"If a man has common sense, he has all the sense there is."
"Many receive advice, but only the wise profit by it."
"A man can often do today what he could not do yesterday."
"Our lives are books, each day a page. We can't erase what's been written, we can always write a better ending."
"Comfort came in with the middle classes."
"Always remember the snail got to the ark inch by inch to survive."
"Faith is the first step even if you can't see the whole staircase."
"Young at heart, but older in other places."
"Virus is a latin word used by doctors to mean 'your guess is as good as mine'."
"Alone we can do so little, together we can do so much."
"Nothing matters very much, and very few things matter at all."
"Art and religion are, then, two roads by which men escape from circumstance to ecstasy."
"I always like to associate with a lot of priests because it makes me understand anti-clerical things so well."
"All the people like us are WE, and everyone else is THEY."
"Ageing is when you hear 'snap crackle pop' before you get to breakfast."
"Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own."
"Die young as late as possible."
"I have been told by hospital authorities that more copies of my works are left behind by departing patients that those of any other author."
"My only solution for the problem of habitual accidents is for everybody to stay in bed all day. Even then, there is always the chance that you will fall out."
"His was the sort of career that made the Recording Angel think seriously about taking up shorthand."
"A politician is an animal who can sit on a fence and yet keep both ears to the ground."
"To answer the question 'In what countries are elephants found' a schoolgirl answered 'Elephants are very large and intelligent animals, and are seldom lost.'"
"The people who live in the past must yield to the people who live in the future. Otherwise the world would begin to turn the other way round."
"It is only when they go wrong that machines remind you how powerful they are."
"The seven ages of man: spills, drills, thrills, bills, ills, pills and wills."
"- retired - goodby tension - hello pension."
"Life is rather like a tin of sardines - we're all of us looking for the key."
"As for the British churchman, he goes to church as he goes to the bathroom, with the minimum of fuss and no explanation if he can help it."
"Retirement kills more people than hard work every did."
"Old age comes at a bad time."
"We could have saved sixpence. We have saved fivepence - But at what cost?"
"It needs no dictionary of quotations to remind me that the eyes are the windows of the soul."
"The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavour upon the business known as gambling."
"Early to rise and early to bed makes a man healthy, wealthy and dead."
"Dear God, All I ask for next year is a big fat bank account and a slim body.
Please donít mix these up like you did last year.
"If only we'd stop trying to be happy, we could have a pretty good time."
"In passing, also, I would like to say that the first time Adam had a chance he laid the blame on woman."
"One wonders what would happen in a society in which there were no rules to break. Doubtless everyone would quickly die of boredom."
"When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before."
"Children require quidance and sympathy far more than instruction."
"The simplest and shortest ethical precept is to be served by others as little as possible, and to serve others as much as possible."
"It is difficult to believe in God, not because He is so far off, but because He is so near."
"Miracles are not contrary to nature, but only contrary to what we know about nature."
"Any God I ever felt in church I brought in with me. And I think all the other folks did too. They come to church to share God, not find God."
"Laughter is one of the best things that God has given us, and with hearty laughter neither malice nore indecency can exist."
"Laughter is one of the best things that God has given us, and with hearty laughter neither malice nore indecency can exist."
"Look up and not down. Look forward and not back. Look out and not in. Lend a hand."
"I have lived to thank God that all my prayers have not been answered."
"Patient waiting is often the highest way of doing God's will."
"It takes no more time to see the good side of life than it takes to see the bad."
"We can do no great things - only small things with great love."
"You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don't try."
"The most popular labour-saving device is still money."
"One of the things about equality is not just that you be treated equally to a man, but that you treat yourself equally to the way you treat a man."
"Physical disarray adds to the tension of life. Clearing out the clutter is an orderly way to calm."
"The most solid comfort one can fall back upon is the thought that the business of one's life is to help in some small way to reduce the sum of ignorance, degradation and misery on the face of this beautiful earth."
"Never bear more than one kind of trouble at a time. Some people bear three - all they have had, all they have now, and all they expect to have."
"Faith is to believe, on the word of God, what we do not see, and its reward is to see and enjoy what we believe."
". . I do not seek to understand that I may believe, but I believe in order to understand."
"People see God every day, they just don't recognise him."
"The psychic scars caused by believing that you are ugly leave a permanent mark on your personality."
". . that is the best. . to laugh with someone because you both think the same things are funny."
"If you have made mistakes. . there is always another chance for you. . you may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call 'failure' is not the falling down but the staying down."
"Take a lesson in calmness from children: watch how they live every moment for the pleasure of the moment."
"There is seldom any rational reason for having regrets about past deeds or events, because the past does not exist in any way other than in your memory."
"We should find God in what we do know, not in what we don't; not in outstanding problems, but in those that have already been solved."
"Now is no time to think of what you do not have. Think of what you can do with what there is."
"In spite of everything, I still believe people are really good at heart."
"Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has many; not on your past misfortune, of which all men have some."
"Faith and doubt both are needed - not as antagonists, but working side by side - to take us around the unknown curve."
"Knowlege is proud that he has learned so much; wisdom is humble that he knows no more."
"Having faith in God did not mean sitting back and doing nothing. It meant believing that you would find success if you did your best honestly and energetically."
"I lke living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing."
"The greatest part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions and not on our circumstances."
"Why not seize the pleasure at once? How often is happiness destroyed by preparation, foolish preparation!"
"Look twice before you leap."
"Life is what happens to you when you're making other plans."
"Leave it to others to be perfect, to be wonderful. Be content with what you are - you'll be much more relaxed as a result."
"Any reflexologist will tell you that true relaxation begins at the feet. It seems obvious, but wearing comfortable shoes is nearly as relaxing as wearing no shoes at all."
"Most worries are future-based. They revolve around things that, in most cases, will never happen. Concentrate on the present and the future will take care of itself."
"To believe in God for me is to feel that there is a God, not a dead one, or a stuffed one, but a living one, who with irresistible force urges us towards more loving."
"All I have seen teaches me to trust the Creator for all I have not seen."
"Friendships do not just happen; they have to be made - made to start, made to work, made to develop, kept in good working order, and preserved from going sour."
"The only way to have a friend is to be one."
"The word 'goodbye' is short for 'God be with you'."
"The most important skill in staying calm is not to lose sleep over small issues. The second most important skill is to be able to view all issues as small issues."
"Do your stress levels a favour, and take on changes one at a time."
"As harsh as it may sound, mixing with highly stressed people will make you feel stressed. On the other hand, mixing with calm people - even for the briefest period - will leave you feeling calm."
"Hard-working people never waste time on frivolous, fun-filled activities. Yet, for hard-working people, any time spent this way is far from wasted."
"Life begets life. Energy creates energy. It is by spending oneself that one becomes rich."
"The trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more."
"When you get to your wit's end, you'll find God lives there."
"If someone listens, or stretches out a hand, or whispers a kind word of encouragement, or attempts to understand a lonely person, extraordinary things begin to happen."
"Heaven is full of answers to prayers for which no one ever bothered to ask."
"Let nothing disturb thee; let nothing dismay thee; All things pass; God never changes."
"Everything happening, great and small, is a parable whereby God speaks to us, and the art of life is to get the message."
"A consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing."
"When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves."
"Someday everything will all make perfect sense, so for now laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears, and keep reminding yourself that whatever happens, happens for a reason."
"One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries."
"I've developed a new philosophy, I only dread one day at a time."
"Happiness often sneaks in by a door you did not know was open."
"Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are."
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't."
"A bargain is something you can't use at a price you can't resist."
"Pride said 'It's impossible'. Experience said 'It's risky'. Reason said 'It's pointless'. The heart whispered 'Give it a try'."
"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us."
"Many of life's failures are experienced by people who did not realise how close they were to success when they gave up."
"Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice."
"Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections."
"If we all did the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves."
"People were created to be loved. Things were created to be used. The reason the world is in chaos is because things are being loved and people are being used."
"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody."
"I have learned to use the word impossible with the greatest caution."
"Be smart enough to hold on, be brave enough to let go."
"We cannot change the cards we are dealt, it's just how we play the hand."
"If you were going to die soon and only had one phone call to make, who would you call, what would you say, and why are you waiting?"
"The world is a book, and those who don't travel read only a page."
"There are only two rules for being successful; one, figure out exactly what you want to do, and two, do it."
"Do not take life too seriously, you'll never get out of it alive."
"Getting an idea should be like sitting down on a pin, it should make you jump up and do something."
"Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour and it seems like a minute. That's relativity."
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."
"If they did brain transplants would you be a donor or a recipient?"
"The greatest thing in life is to keep your mind young."
"In any situation, the best thing you can do is the right thing: the next best thing you can do is the wrong thing; the worst thing you can do is nothing."
"Nothing is impossible; the word itself says 'I'm possible'."
"Keep on going and the chances are you will stumble on something, perhaps when you are least expecting it. I have never heard of anyone stumbling on something by doing nothing."
"The difference between school and life: In school you're taught a lesson and then given a test. In life you're given a test that teaches you a lesson."
"If you want the rainbow, you've got to put up with a little rain."
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."
"I've got enough money to live comfortably for the rest of my life, if I die next Tuesday."
"When God takes something out of your grasp, he's not punishing you but merely emptying your hand for you to receive something better."
"Keep working hard and you can get anything that you want. If God gave you the talent, you should go for it. But don't think it's going to be easy."
"Anyone who doesn't take truth seriously in small matters cannot be trusted in large ones either."
"Be strong when you are weak, brave when you are scared, and humble when you are victorious."
"Somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking fine'."
"More people would learn from their mistakes if they weren't so busy denying them."
"Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes."
"Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start now and make a brand new ending."
"If it's important to you, you'll find a way. If it's not, you'll find an excuse."
"God understands our prayers even when we can't find the words to say them."
"When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace."
"Plenty of things are mistakes, but some mistakes are like seeds, and they grow into purposes."
"Consider how hard it is to change yourself, and you'll understand what little chance you have in trying to change others."
"A river cuts through a rock not because of its power, but because of its persistence."
"Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not in the one ahead."
"During a test, people look up for inspiration, down in desperation, and left and right for information."
"My life is all mathematical. I'm trying to add to my income, subtract from my weight, divide my time, and avoid multiplying."
"You've got two choices. You can either sit down and cry or spread your wings and fly."
"Don't wish it were easier, wish you were better."
"A baby sitter is a teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teenagers."
"The prettiest smile can hide the deepest secrets. The prettiest eyes have cried many tears. And the kindest hearts have felt the most pain."
"I believe that what Jesus and Mohammed and Budda and all the rest said was right. It's just that the translations have gone wrong."
"I'm a good enough person to forgive you, but I'm not stupid enough to trust you again."
"There comes a time when silence is betrayal."
"When you have to make a hard decision, flip a coin. Why? Because when the coin is in the air, you suddenly know what you're hoping for."
"Progress is impossible without change and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything."
"Right is right even if no one is doing it. Wrong is wrong even if everyone is doing it."
"Everyone has a purpose on this planet and you can find yours. Somebody out there needs you and is thankful that they know you."
"When you have nothing left but God, then for the first time you become aware that God is enough."
"Happiness keeps you sweet. Trials keep you strong. Sorrow keeps you human. Failure keeps you humble. And God keeps you going."
"If you are alive you have reason to be happy. If things are really bad, they can only get better."
"You've got to get up every morning with determination if you're going to go to bed with satisfaction."
"Disappointments are God's way of saying 'I've got something better'. Be patient, live life, have faith."
"I think I shall be among the English Poets after my death."
"Teach me to live, that I may dread The grave as little as my bed."
"There's many a good tune played on an old fiddle."
"The greatest pleasure I know, is to do a good action by stealth, and to have it found out by accident."
"You ain't heard nothin' yet, folks."
"Two men look out through the same bars: One sees the mud, and one the stars."
"Here lies my wife: here let her lie! Now she's at rest, and so am I."
"But far more numerous was the herd of such, Who think too little and who talk too much."
"I have tried, too, in my time to be a philospher: but, I don't know how, cheerfulness was always breaking in."
"What is written without effort is in general read without pleasure."
"Population, when unchecked, increases in a geometrical ratio, Subsistence only increases in an arithmetical ratio."
"Things have come to a pretty pass when religion is allowed to invade the sphere of private life."
"A little of what you fancy does you good."
"Great fleas have little fleas upon their backs to bite 'em, And little fleas have lesser fleas, and so ad infinitum."
"Life is mostly froth and bubble, Two things stand like stone, Kindness in anothers; trouble, Courage in your own."
"Do as you would be done by is the surest method that I know of pleasing."
"Depend upon it, Sir, when a man knows he is to be hanged in a fortnight, it concentrates his mind wonderfully."
"Sir, a woman' preaching is like a dog's walking on his hinder legs. It is not done well: but you are surprised to find it done at all."
"England expects every man will do his duty."
"I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours. I love to keep it by me: the idea of getting rid of it nearly breaks my heart."
"Though the mills of God grind slowly, yet they grind exceeding small: Though with patience he stands waiting, with exactness grinds he all."
"Something attempted, something done, has earned a night's repose."
"Stone walls do not a prison make, nor iron bars a cage:"
"I was told that the Privileged and the People formed Two Nations."
"Every woman should marry - and no man."
"Is man an ape or an angel? Now I am on the side of the angels."
"And I said to the man who stood at the gate of thear: 'Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown'."
"Justice should not only be done, but manifestly and undoubtedly be seen to be done."
"This is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning."
"Let us therefore brace ourselved to our duties, and so bear ourselved that, if the British Empire and its Commonwealth last for a thousand years, men will still say: 'This was their finest hour.'"
"Some call it evolution, and others call it God."
"When a dog bites a man that is not news, but when a man bites a dog that is news."
"That out of sight is out of mind is true of most we leave behind."
"'There is no God' the wicked saith, 'And truly it's a blessing, For what he might have done with us it's better only guessing."
"Variety's the very spice of life, that gives it all its flavour."
"No people do so much harm as those who go about doing good."
"Swans sing before they die- 'twere no bad thing
did certain persons die before they sing."
"I expect to pass through this world but once; any good thing therefore that I can do, or any kindness that I can show to any fellow-creature, let me do it now."
"In two words: im-possible."
"The bodies of those that made such a noise and tumult when alive, when dead, lie as quietly among the graves of their neighbours as any others."
"If a man write a better book, preach a better sermon, or make a better mouse-trap than his neighbour, tho' he build his house inthe woods, the world will make a beaten path to his door."
"Desperate diseases require desperate remedies."
"Guns will make us powerful; butter will only make us fat."
"You cannot fight against the future. Time is on our side."
"Worldly wealth he cared not for, desiring only to make both ends meet."
"We must indeed all hang together, or, most assuredly, we shall all hang separately."
"Remember, that time is money."
"There is so much good in the worst of us, and so much bad in the best of us, that it hardly becomes any of us to talk about the rest of us."
"'Tis a lesson you should heed, try, try again, If at first you don't succeed, try, try again."
"Man has his will, but woman has her way."
"That action is best which procures the greatest happiness for the greatest numbers."
"In war, whichever side may call itself the victor, there are no winners, but all are losers."
"What's lost upon the roundabouts we pulls up on the swings!"
"Of all the days that's in the week I dearly love but one day -
And that's the day that comes betwixt a Saturday and Monday."
"The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true."
"We live and learn, but not the wiser grow."
"Friends are God's way of apologizing to us for our families."
"I believe that sometimes it can be right to do the wrong thing."
"Mistakes are sometimes too much fun to only make once."
"The past sometimes can hurt, but you can either run away from it or learn from it."
"As we get older it's not the things we did that we often regret, it's the thing we didn't do, and that's why God created tomorrows.
"When someone tells you that you can't do something, you don't necessarily have to listen."
"A friend is someone who knows everything about you and still loves you."
"It isn't always enough to be forgiven. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself."
"The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children."
"My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could so long as he didn't take it out of my garden."
"Too bad all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxis."
"Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it."
"The real problem concerning your leisure is how to keep other people from using it."
"The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy."
"God could not be everywhere and therefore He made mothers."
"Where there is faith there is love; where there is love there is peace; where there is peace there is God, and where there is God there is no need."
"The Brain - an apparatus with which we think we think."
"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogomy is the same."
"Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half shut afterwards."
"We have just enough religion to make us hate, but not enough to make us love one another."
"If quitters never win and winners never quit, whoever came up with "Quit while you're ahead"?"
"The trying time for the Atheist is when he feels thankful but has nobody to thank."
"God values our honest doubts above our pious pretence."
"The unfortunate thing about this world is that the good habits are much easier to give up than the bad ones."
"Don't try to solve serious matters in the middle of the night."
"Treat all disasters as if they were trivialities, but never treat a triviality as if it were a disaster."
"They say money talks, but all mine says is good-bye."
"Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do 'practice'?"
"We are here to do good for others; what the others are here for I don't know."
"Spring shows what God can do with a drab and dirty world."
"If Moses had been a committee the children of Israel would still be in Sinai."
"Birthdays are nature's way of telling us to eat more cake."
"The surprising thing about young fools is how many survive to become old fools."
"I still say a church steeple with a lightning rod on top shows a lack of confidence."
"We are not responsible for our thoughts, but we are responsible for our actions."
"A mans riches lie in the fewness of his wants."
"Dear God, So far today I have not gossiped, been greedy, grumpy, nasty, angry or intolerant. Now I am getting out of bed, please help me."
"If you are going to be a target, make sure you keep moving."
"If you insist on being a doorman, pray for the ability to enjoy it."
"Have you a gap in your life or a hole in your soul?"
"Noah could have said 'It's never rained before, who needs a boat?'"
"The difference between religion and spirituality - religion is for those who don't want to go to hell, spirituality is for those who have been."
"Even the most beautiful rose will have many dangerous thorns."
"I used to be a hopeless fearful drunk. Now I'm a fearless hopeful man."
"I used to be an atheist, then I became an agnostic. God knows what I am now."
"Build your castles in peace time, not when a war is about to start."
"Desperate times mean desperate measures."
"A drowning man doesn't argue about how he is going to be saved."
"In the darkness in the dark room, God is developing you."
"Money is like manure, if you pile it up it stinks. If you spread it around, it helps things to grow."
"Do not pay too much attention to fame, power or money. One day you will meet a person who cares for none of these; then you will know how poor you are."
"Fear knocked at the door; faith answered and no one was there."
"Make sure the ladder you are climbing is leaning against the right wall."
"When there's more questions than answers, stop asking the questions."
"Don't try to teach a pig to sing; you'll get frustrated and you'll annoy the pig."
"Pride stood at the top of the ladder not wanting to go down; ego stood at the bottom desperate to go up."
"Blessed are the flexible for they will not be bent out of shape."
"Don't worry until the animals line up two by two and start heading for the space shuttle. "
"For evil to succeed, it only needs good men to do nothing."
"Don't give up five minutes before the miracle happens."
"Whatever you do, prior to the event, check your motives, listen to your conscience and then the next right thing."
"Information without action is useless."
"Let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself."
"Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body."
"The world is so full of a number of things, I'm sure we should all be as happy as kings."
"All happy families resemble each other, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."
"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars."
"All women become like their mothers, That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his."
"The English country gentleman galloping after a fox - the unspeakable in full pursuit of the uneatable."
"An ambassador is an honest man sent to lie abroad for the good of his country."
"A good novel tells us the truth about its hero; but a bad novel tells us the truth about its author."
"It isn't that they can't see the solution. It is that they can't see the problem."
"If you convey to a woman that something ought to be done, there is always a dreadful danger that she will suddenly do it."
"The love of truth has its reward in Heaven, and even on earth."
"I would rather work with God in the dark than go alone in the light."
"Theology is the effort to explain the unknowable in terms of the not worth knowing."
"The point is, could God pass an examination in Theology?"
"The most important quality in a person connected with religion is absolute devotion to the truth."
"Men suffer from thinking more than anything else."
"If you picture Time as a straight line along which we have to travel, then you must picture God as the whole page on which the line is drawn."
"Theology is an attempt to explain a subject by men who do not understand it. The intent is not to tell the truth, but to satisfy the questioner."
"I have only a small flickering light to guide me in the darkness of a thick forest.
Up comes a theologian and blows it out."
"Have you ever wanted to run away with your neighbour's wife? If you have not then do not condemn the man who does - you might have done likewise."
"We should thank God for beer and Burgundy by not drinking too much of them."
"Tears are often the telescope by which men see far into heaven."
"Next to love, sympathy is the dimmest passion of the human heart."
"There are many people who think Sunday is a sponge to wipe out all the sins of the week."
"All religions must be tolerated. Every man must get to heaven in his own way."
"More and more people care about religious tolerance as fewer and fewer care about religion."
"O God, help us not to despise or oppose what we do not understand."
"Heaven forbid that we should go on playing religious games in one corner when the cloud and fire of God's presence have moved to another."
"Christian work is constantly crippled by clinging to blessings and traditions of the past. God is not the God of yesterday. He is the God of today."
"If you suffer, thank God - it is a sure sign you are alive."
"Sufffering is a form of gratitude to experience, or an opportunity to experience evil, and change it into good."
"Let us work as if success depends on ourselves alone, but with the heartfelt conviction that we are doing nothing and God everything."
"We are prone to judge success by the index of our salaries or the size of our automobiles, rather than by the quality of our service and our relationship to humanity."
"Man's difficulty today is that he is so immersed in the temporal that he has lost sight of the spiritual, has lost sight of God."
"Compromise used to mean that half a loaf was better than no bread. Among modern statesmen it really seems to mean that half a loaf is better than a whole loaf."
"A man's friend likes him but leaves him as he is: his wife loves him and is always trying to turn him into somebody else."
"I came to the conclusion that the optimist thought everything good except the pessimist, and that the pessimist thought everything bad, except himself."
"Taking it all in all, I do not believe anybody on earth has a worse time than an Emperor penguin."
"I remain just one thing, and one thing only - and that is a clown. It places me on a far higher plane than any politician."
"The Almighty in His Infinite wisdom did not see fit to create Frenchmen in the image of Englishmen."
"Perhaps it is better to be irresponsible and right that to be responsible and wrong."
"When I look back on all these worries I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened."
"It is always wise to look ahead, but difficult to look farther than you can see."
"I've just learnt about his illness; let's hope it's nothing trivial."
"We have no reliable guarantee that the afterlife will be any less exasperating than this one, have we?"
"The one real object of education is to leave a man in the condition of continually asking questions."
"When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it."
"Hell is paved with good intentions, but heaven goes in for something more dependable. Solid gold."
"I take the view, always have done, that if you cannot say what you have to say in twenty minutes, you should go away and write a book about it."
"Tories are not always wrong, but they are always wrong at the right moment."
"Four thousand volumes of metaphysics will not teach us what the soul is."
"I've never met a healthy person who worried much about his health or a good person who worried much about his soul."
"Pure and complete sorrow is as impossible as pure and complete joy."
"The more powerful and original a mind, the more it will incline towards the religion of solitude."
"The Devil is sincere, but he is sincerely wrong."
"We don't call it sin today, we call it self-expression."
"Only the wages of sin have no deductions."
"That which we call sin in others is experiment for us."
"Pleasure's a sin, and sometimes sin's a pleasure."
"One leak will sink a ship, and one sin will destroy a sinner."
"Sin, that old dynamo, has lost much of its power since we ceased to believe in hell"
"Hair-splitting can be left to theologians and legalists; simplicity is the aim in the life of prayer."
"God is the friend of silence. Trees, flowers, grass grown in silence. See the stars, moon and sun how they move in silence."
"Once in seven years I burn all my sermons for it is a shame if I cannot write better sermons now than I did seven years ago."
"We set no time limit on sermons, but we feel no souls are saved after the first twenty minutes."
"Science brings man nearer to God."
"Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind."
"I find whenever science gets to the right answer it agrees with the Bible."
"Science and religion . . . are two sides of the same glass, through which we can see darkly until these two, focusing together, reveal the truth."
"Satan finds some mischief still for idle hands to do."
"We shall have to repent in this generation, not so much for the evil deeds of the wicked people, but for the appalling silence of the good people."
"Some people have just enough religion to make them feel uncomfortable."
"Extreme happiness invites religion almost as much as extreme misery."
"There is only one religion, though there are a hundred versions of it."
"Religion is a candle inside a multi-coloured lantern. Everyone looks through a particular colour but the candle is always there."
"If men are so wicked with religion, what would they be without it?"
"Man will wrangle for religion; write for it; fight for it; die for it; anything but live for it."
"An ounce of practice is worth a pound of preaching."
"The God to whom little boys say their prayers has a face very like their mother."
"God, give us grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, courage to change the things that should be changed, and the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other."
"O Lord, Thou knowest how busy I must be this day. If I forget Thee, do not forget me."
"By perseverance the snail reached the Ark."
"They also serve who only stand and wait."
"The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom."
"My deafness, I endure; to dentures I'm resigned; Bifocals I can manage, But God, I
miss my mind."
"Life is a great surprise. I do not see why death should not be an even greater one."
"I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is pepared for the ordeal of meeting me is another matter."
"I sometimes think that God, in creating man, overestimated his ability."
"Had God thought that sin would enter Eden, he would have created a parson also."
"The country life is to be preferred, for there we see the works of God, but in cities little else but the works of men."
"It is a sobering reflection that if the five-day week had been in force at the Creation, man would not have been created. Would the world have been a better place? Only God knows."
"God made us, not because He knew what we would do, but to find out what we would do."
"The consensus appears to be that as it is preesented and practised in our churches the gospel is NOT Good News for women."
"God save us all from wives who are angels in the street, saints in the church and devils at home."
"I'm not denyin' that women are foolish; God Almighty made 'em to match the men."
"Wealth consists not in having possessions but in having few wants."
"There is nothing that war has ever achieved we could not better achieve without it."
"Truth is such a precious article, let us all economise in its use."
"A lie travels round the world while Truth is putting on her boots."
"The meaning of the word politics: Poli - Latin for many, tics - blooksucking creatures."
"As you get older three things happen; the first is you loose your memory - I can't remember the other two."
"Life is like a roll of toilet paper - long and useful, but it always ends at the wrong time."
"To say "foolproof" underestimates the ingenuity of complete fools."
"Whatever you want to do, do it now. There are only so many tomorrows."
"We are all faced with opportunities disguised as unsolvable problems."
"When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking."
"All the people like us are WE, and everyone else is THEY."
"Don't complain about growing old...many people do not have that privilege."
"'Virus' is a latin word used by doctors to mean 'your guess is as good as mine.'"
"When you get a computer, you also need a 10 year old child to teach you how to use it."
"The greatest compliment a grandparent can receive "You're more trouble than the children.""
"When your ship comes in, take care you're not at the airport."
"British Airways Poster: Breakfast in London, lunch in New York, luggage in Buermuda."
"The difference between a pat on the back and a kick in the pants is barely 18 inches."
"It is no longer a question of where civilization began, but if it ever did!"
"The really frightening thing about middle age is the knowledge that you'll grow out of it."
"The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was."
"People take different roads seeking fulfilment and happiness. Just because they're not on your road doesn't mean they are lost."
"Too bad all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxi cabs and cutting hair."
"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain."
"Hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even though you wish they were."
"Diplomacy: thinking twice before saying nothing."
"As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand."
"I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.
"You only live once, but if you live it right, once is enough."
"Skill come so slow and life so fast doth fly: we learn so little and forget so much."
"Our necessities are few but our wants are endless."
"'I must do something' will solve more problems than 'Something must be done'."
"It takes less time to do a thing right than to explain why you did it wrong."
"To want a change of government is like biting another lemon to see which is the sweeter."
"When we seek to discover the best in others, we somehow bring out the best in ourselves."
"A good plan executed right now is far better than a perfect plan executed next week."
"It's not whether you get knocked down, it's whether you get up again."
"There is more to life than increasing its speed."
"It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers."
"We make a living by what we get; we make a life by what we give."
"The best of men are but men at best."
"Burdens can either broaden your shoulders or break your back."
"A man sometimes gets what he wants, and - it isn't what he wanted."
"Whatever its ups and downs, life is best played on the level."
"We expect teachers to handle teenage pregnancy, substance abuse, and the failings of the family. After that we expect them to educate our children."
"In order to communicate effectively, one must know what is worth knowing and what is worth saying... and the difference between the two."
"People who think they know everything are annoying to us who do."
"If you think you are too small to make a difference, you've obviously never been in a room with a mosquito."
"Defeat is not the worst of failures. Not to have tried is the true failure."
"Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night.""
"If at first you don't succeed, well, so much for skydiving."
"Some people, no matter how old they get, never lose their beauty; they merely move it from their faces into their hearts."
"The real measure of your wealth is how much you'd be worth if you lost all your money."
"We learn something every day, and lots of times it's what we learned the day before that was wrong."
"Better to be approximately right than precisely wrong."
"Hard work spotlights the character of people. Some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all."
"It is not too hard to be young without money, but it is very difficult being old without it."
"Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult."
"It is better to be silent, and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt."
"When one door of happiness closes, another opens: but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us."
"The test of our progress is not whether we add to the abundance of those who have much. It is whether we provide enough to those who have little."
"Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it."
"To change and to change for the better are two different things."
"To the ultimate pessimist off-white is a shade of black."
"One reason that history repeats itself is that so many people were not listening the first time."
"Opportunities are usually disguised as hard work, so most people don't recognise them."
"It is my observation that too many of us are spending money we haven't earned to buy things we don't need to impress people we don't like."
"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book."
"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything."
"There are two rules for success: 1) Never tell everything you know."
"There should be no passengers on spaceship earth. We are all crew."
"When happiness gets into your system it's bound to break out in your face."
"The only bad part of being a good sport is that you have to lose to prove it."
"You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses."
"The grass may be greener on the other side, but it is just as hard to cut."
"An angry person is seldom reasonable; a reasonable person is seldom angry."
"The game of life is not so much in holding a good hand as playing a poor hand well."
"The saints are the sinners who keep on trying."
"Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one."
"In America, anyone can become president. That's one of the risks you take."
"Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you've got to start young."
"Confidence is the feeling you sometimes have before you fully understand the situation."
"A really wise man says nothing at the right time."
"No man who does a good deed should expect gratitude. The reward of a good deed is having done it."
"Executive ability is a talent for deciding something quickly and getting someone elso to do it."
"Don't marry for money - it's far cheaper to borrow it."
"Having children makes you no more a parent than having a piano makes you a pianist."
"A study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy anything is last year."
"Money doesn't always bring happiness. People with ten million dollars are no happier than people with nine million dollars."
"One never notices what has been done; one can only see what remains to be done."
"Good resolutions are like babies crying in church. They should be carried out immediately."
"The best time to do something worthwhile is between yesterday and tomorrow."
"Life is like a beautiful melody, only the lyrics are sometimes a little messed up."
"Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off the goal."
"When I hear somebody sigh, 'Life is hard,' I am always tempted to ask, 'Compared to what?'"
"It is not the clock that ticks the loudest that goes the best."
"The real problem concerning your leisure is how to keep other people from using it."
"All life is 6 to 5 against."
"Women over 50 don't have babies because they would put them down and forget where they left them."
"Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children."
"I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying."
"Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right."
"I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have."
"I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by."
"If you can't explain it to a six year old, you don't understand it yourself."
"I'm an optimist in the sense that I believe humans are noble and honorable, and some of them are really smart. I have a very optimistic view of individuals."
"I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up."